IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that only the goverment can make significant changes in society while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Changes
Use synonyms
 in the
communities
Use synonyms
 have been argued recently.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe it is a governmental responsibility, others think
individuals
Use synonyms
 can
change
Use synonyms
 as they have more impact in their
communities
Use synonyms
. I believe that
individuals
Use synonyms
 are more able to make
changes
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain how
individuals
Use synonyms
 affect their society by making decisions in their workplace and local surroundings. The workplace environment is very important for employees' productivity.
However
Linking Words
, not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
institutions
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
to support
Change preposition
in supporting
show examples
 their workers.
Individuals
Use synonyms
 can step in and ask for
change
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, I worked recently in a company where the staff were not allowed to travel
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their vacation as a
companies
Change noun form
company's
show examples
 policy. We decided to discuss
this
Linking Words
 with the human resources department, they
finally
Linking Words
 changed their policy. In many cases, the
individuals
Use synonyms
' voices not only can make
changes
Use synonyms
 in their professional
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 spread awareness in their
communities
Use synonyms
. Societies are a dynamic mixture.
Also
Linking Words
, it could be strongly affected by external factors,
such
Linking Words
 as immigration, natural disasters, and diseases.
For example
Linking Words
, the spread of COVID-19 greatly impacted the
communities
Use synonyms
 with a rapid, urgent
change
Use synonyms
.
Individuals
Use synonyms
 were in charge of changing their personal habits without any supervision from governments.
This
Linking Words
change
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
positively influenced their social life and well-being. In conclusion, despite the power and the authority governments have, they are not the only factor of
change
Use synonyms
.
Individuals
Use synonyms
 can make more
changes
Use synonyms
 as they are the main block in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing a more thorough argument for your position in the essay. Expand on your reasoning regarding why individuals have greater power to enact change compared to the government.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly links to the main argument. A stronger concluding statement might reinforce the overall argument more effectively.
task achievement
To enhance the clarity of your examples, try to explain how the examples specifically relate back to the main argument of individual influence.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and a structured argument, which are essential for a good score.
task achievement
The use of personal examples adds authenticity and engagement to your argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: