IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Some people believe that the government should financially support retired people. Others feel that those who have retired should pay to support themselves. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is believed by some that it is the responsibility of high authorities that pay some
amount
Use synonyms
 of money to elder
people
Use synonyms
 after
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
their retirement ,
while
Linking Words
 others
Add a missing verb
are concern
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 that retired
people
Use synonyms
 need to support themselves rather than
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
get help from
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay
shed
Wrong verb form
sheds
show examples
 light on
the the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both points and I personally follow the former notion. In conclusion, it is very hard
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
common
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
save some
amount
Use synonyms
 from
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
 and use that
amount
Use synonyms
 after retirement. Rather if they save some
amount
Use synonyms
 from saving but that
amount
Use synonyms
 will not
enough
Add a missing verb
be enough
show examples
 in
surving
Correct your spelling
serving
surviving
 their retired period so,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should
financally
Correct your spelling
financially
 support elder
people
Use synonyms
 after retirement.

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task achievement
Ensure each point made is fully explained and supported with relevant examples from real-life situations or personal experiences.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas. Use linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Revise your introduction to present a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Clarify your conclusion to summarize the key points discussed and reinforce your own opinion.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which is an essential requirement for this type of question.
task achievement
The choice to express a personal opinion is commendable and shows engagement with the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial support
  • retirement pension
  • cost of living
  • healthcare expenses
  • quality of life
  • limited income
  • financial independence
  • personal responsibility
  • preparedness
  • government subsidies
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