Some people believe that the government should financially support retired people. Others feel that those who have retired should pay to support themselves. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is believed by some that it is the responsibility of high authorities that pay some
amount
of money to elder Use synonyms
people
after Use synonyms
getting
their retirement ,Verb problem
apply
while
others Linking Words
Add a missing verb
are concern
concern
that retired Replace the word
concerned
people
need to support themselves rather than Use synonyms
to
get help from Fix the infinitive
apply
government
. Add an article
the government
This
essay Linking Words
shed
light on Wrong verb form
sheds
the the
both points and I personally follow the former notion.
In conclusion, it is very hard Correct article usage
apply
to
Change preposition
for
a
common Correct article usage
apply
people
Use synonyms
that
they Correct pronoun usage
apply
can
save some Verb problem
apply
amount
from Use synonyms
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
saving
and use that Fix the agreement mistake
savings
amount
after retirement. Rather if they save some Use synonyms
amount
from saving but that Use synonyms
amount
will not Use synonyms
enough
in Add a missing verb
be enough
surving
their retired period so, Correct your spelling
serving
surviving
government
should Add an article
the government
financally
support elder Correct your spelling
financially
people
after retirement.Use synonyms
sandeepkaur12pandher
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task achievement
Ensure each point made is fully explained and supported with relevant examples from real-life situations or personal experiences.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas. Use linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Revise your introduction to present a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Clarify your conclusion to summarize the key points discussed and reinforce your own opinion.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which is an essential requirement for this type of question.
task achievement
The choice to express a personal opinion is commendable and shows engagement with the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite