Some businesses now say that no-one can smoke cigarettes in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree with this?

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Few
entrepreneur
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entrepreneurs
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states that
,
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apply
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nobody can
use
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tobacco in their work areas.
Moreover
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,
administration
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the administration
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have
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has
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restricted weed in social
surrondings
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surroundings
. I completely agree with
this
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statement.
This
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essay will provide several arguments supporting my viewpoint. Cig and nicotine are dangerous products which can cause lifelong health issues to human bodies.
Therefore
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, stopping its
use
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in work areas and other places can reduce the tolerance to
these product
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this product
these products
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and prevent them from lung and liver cancer.
Furthermore
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, these policies are made by company owners to their employees, because many people tend to
use
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these items when stressed and
further
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move into an addiction with it.
For example
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, many multinational companies
had
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have
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taken
this
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stratergy
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strategy
seriously to reduce their
workers
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worker's
workers'
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tolerance to these products so that every partner is following a healthy lifestyle during their working hours. To add on, national authorities and state management are
also
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trying to lessen the
use
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of
these product
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this product
these products
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on public public
such
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as parks, roads and beaches
,
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apply
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because it can influence the youth in many ways and will have the tendency to
use
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these substances and stuff in future.
For instance
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, Nowadays there are boards with no smoking signs near hospitals, school
surrondings
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surroundings
and shopping malls to reduce using it.Since it
contain
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contains
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harmful gases that can affect children and others in the
surrondings
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surroundings
. In conclusion, I completely agree with the statement that many capitalist and legal
jurisdication
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jurisdictions
had
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have
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banned the
use
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of cigarettes.
This
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is indeed a good act to lower the dependency on
these material
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this material
these materials
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because it is very injuries to oneself and to the environment.

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task achievement
The introduction provides a clear intention to agree with the statement, but it could be more specific regarding the scope of the argument. Consider stating the key points you will discuss more clearly in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure the logical structure of paragraphs is consistent. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, and the subsequent sentences should support it.
task achievement
There are several spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'surrondings' should be 'surroundings', 'stratergy' should be 'strategy', 'capitalist' and 'jurisdication' should be 'capitalists' and 'jurisdiction'). Proofreading for these can greatly improve the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
Providing more specific examples, such as statistics on health impacts or quotes from authoritative sources, could improve the persuasive quality of your arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue and aims to support that perspective throughout the text.
task achievement
You have included relevant ideas related to health impacts and societal influences, which show an understanding of the broader implications of smoking bans.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • second-hand smoke
  • respiratory diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • productivity
  • fire hazards
  • environmental advantages
  • aesthetics
  • non-smokers
  • personal freedom
  • well-being
  • smoking bans
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