IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year

The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year
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The table illustrates the activities of British unemployed men and
women
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last
Linking Words
 year.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 in the morning, both sexes spent
most
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the most
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time
Use synonyms
 doing housework, shopping and looking for work,
whereas
Linking Words
women
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 spent more
time
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 on that.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the afternoon, searching for
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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, visiting
friends
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 and relatives, gardening, and watching TV were their main responsibilities,
however
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of gardening, females read more. Focusing first on the morning
time
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, roughly 20% of
this
Linking Words
 period, men dedicated to housework, shopping, and job hunting,
whereas
Linking Words
 for
women
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, the corresponding figures were approximately 50%, 25%, and 15%, respectively. Between 8 to 14%,
males
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of males
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 spent on staying in bed, reading, and gardening, as
opoosed
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opposed
 to nearly 10% utilised for visiting
friends
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 or staying in bed by the opposite sex. As for the second part of the day, from 12 to 14 per cent men were
occupited
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occupied
 with job hunting, visiting
friends
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 and relatives, gardening, and television. At the same
time
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, the main activities of
women
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 were housework, shopping, looking for work opportunities, meeting with
friends
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 and relatives, television and reading, with between 10 and 21% of their
time
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 devoted to these activities

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, time, friends with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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