IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some believe that teenagers should concentrate on all of the school subjects while other argue that they have to focus on the subjects they are good at or interested in.

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Many consider that there are a lot of benefits in learning all of the school
subjects
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others think that teenagers should be engaged in specific
subjects
Use synonyms
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 they are interested. In my view, I think that there are more pros to
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 each
Use synonyms
subjects
Change to a singular noun
subject
show examples
. On the one hand, learning
whole
Correct article usage
a whole
show examples
 education program will make school
children
Use synonyms
 more flexible. Through preparation in all
subjects
Use synonyms
, teens may boost their critical thinking.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is scientifically
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
 that
subjects
Use synonyms
 as history, literature, sociology or language classes
may
Verb problem
apply
show examples
can enhance their critical thinking because in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 topics
children
Use synonyms
 may discuss any broad topics like how culture, language,
political
Replace the word
politics
show examples
 or
economic
Replace the word
economics
show examples
 of
theis
Correct your spelling
this
 country developed over
time
Use synonyms
, which requires
children
Use synonyms
 to think broadly and having engaged discussion.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
to focus
Change the verb form
focusing
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
specific
Add an article
a specific
the specific
show examples
subject
Use synonyms
 which
interested
Replace the word
interests
show examples
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 may accelerate and reveal their hidden talent.
Instead
Linking Words
 of wasting countless
time
Use synonyms
 in secondary
subjects
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 might occupy themselves in
Use synonyms
subject
Add an article
the subject
a subject
show examples
 by doing more practice.
For example
Linking Words
,
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 student
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 in one
subject
Use synonyms
 for at least an hour which takes
time
Use synonyms
 and at the same
time
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 can create
destructions
Fix the agreement mistake
destruction
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 why
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 more in
preferable
Correct word choice
their preferred
show examples
subject
Use synonyms
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to find their way.
To sum up
Linking Words
, despite that, making more practice can reveal uncovered talent in
youngsters
Change noun form
youngsters'
youngster's
show examples
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
 faster, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 should work on their education more
flexible
Change the word
flexibly
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to avoid mental strain cause their
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
just
Add a missing verb
are just
show examples
 in
developing
Correct article usage
the developing
show examples
 stage.

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task achievement
Ensure clarity in your main argument and provide a balanced view of both sides more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by using clearer linking phrases between your ideas and sections.
language accuracy
Work on grammatical accuracy and word choice to reduce errors that hinder understanding.
task achievement
You have attempted to address both sides of the argument, which is commendable and shows an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your use of examples is a good attempt to illustrate your points, although they need to be clearer.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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