In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this ?

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In several
nations
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nations,
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toddlers are occupied in numerous methods of paidwork. A group of individuals considered
this
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as totally incorrect,
while
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some people contemplate it as worthy
work
Use synonyms
experience, significant for learning and proceeds
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
responsibly
. In my opinion, children are joined in
paidworks
Correct your spelling
paid works
paid work
, it develops
self esteem
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self-esteem
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and confidence.
Therefore
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, I agree with
this
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statement.
To begin
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with, performing paid
work
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at a young age promotes a
well balanced
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well-balanced
show examples
career and future. Many teenagers prefer to live with
family's
Correct article usage
a family's
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wealth or income.
For example
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, if
kids
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receive a chance to
work
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with payment,
firstly
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, they can understand the value of money and
as a result
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, it
improve
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improves
show examples
money management skills.
Nevertheless
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, if they
did
Wrong verb form
do
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not get
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this opportunities
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this opportunity
these opportunities
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, they misuse
family's
Correct article usage
the family's
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affluence.
Secondly
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, many persons can not understand the significance of
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
and career because lack of responsibility and determination
whereas
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teaching these types of things at an early age,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
boost
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boosts
show examples
responsibility and
set
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sets
show examples
a
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apply
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goal
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goals
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and
focus
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focuses
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on their achievements.
In addition
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,
kids
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involving
Wrong verb form
involved
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paidwork
Correct your spelling
paid
are beneficial for
countries
Replace the word
the country's
show examples
growth.
For instance
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, children
wants
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want
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to pursue a great position in future it improves
nation's
Correct article usage
the nation's
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standards.
Moreover
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,
large
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a large
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number of
kids
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influenced
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are influenced
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by positive
feedback's
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feedback
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. It leads to a
well educated
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well-educated
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county
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country
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.
Also
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, youngsters
considered
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consider
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every job or task
by
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apply
show examples
hard
work
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as a result
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, they will be successful in every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
. To add on, children learn communication skills and how to
work
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on a team.
Also
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,
teaching
Change preposition
by teaching
show examples
responsibility and accountability, they can
also
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learn to take initiative, function independently and keep commitments. It develops adaptability and
survive
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survives
show examples
to any circumstances.
To conclude
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,
offers
Wrong verb form
offering
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opportunities to
work
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with payment promotes a well human being and
learn
Verb problem
teaches
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basic skills and organisation.
Also
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, it promotes a significant message to
kids
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,
that
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
and money are necessary to survive.

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task achievement
While you present clear arguments in support of your opinion, try to provide more concrete examples that directly illustrate your points. This will enhance the clarity of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow, but some sentences are a bit convoluted. Aim for simpler structures to improve clarity. Additionally, ensure your ideas transition smoothly from one to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious with grammar and typographical errors, like 'paidwork' and 'responsiblity' which could distract from your message. Proofreading can help catch these before submission.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your opinion and provided supporting arguments, which is a strong aspect of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your second paragraph introduces a well-structured argument and touches on valuable life skills acquired through work.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
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