Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell food or drink that has been scientifically proved to be bad for people's health. Do you agree or disagree?

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Healthy eating habits have been discussed widely recently.
People
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may consume a large number of harmful foods or
drinks
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without being aware of
this
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. Some
people
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believe that it is the sellers' responsibility to stop selling those products. I disagree with
this
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statement. In
this
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essay, I will explain why I believe individuals should know what they consume and how to take
care
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of their
health
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. One key reason why
people
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should know what they consume is that many shop owners do not have the required knowledge about the items' ingredients.
Moreover
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, they don't have the time to follow the latest scientific research related to the products they sell.
For Example
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, Many sellers promote energy
drinks
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as healthy
drinks
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that increase activity.
However
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, recent research has shown that the amount of sugar in those
drinks
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has a serious negative impact on
health
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in the long term.
Moreover
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, some shop owners don't
care
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about their customers'
health
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. They strongly believe that
people
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can decide with is best for them.
For example
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, studies showed the unhealthy impact on
peoples'
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people's
show examples
health
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.
However
Linking Words
, business makers ignore
this
Linking Words
fact and consider it is
Correct article usage
an individuals
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individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
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choice not only to buy the food
the
Correct your spelling
they
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prefer
,
Remove the comma
apply
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but
also
Linking Words
to
how
Correct word choice
what
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extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
they
care
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about their
health
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. In conclusion, I believe that individuals should be totally responsible about what they eat and drink, as shop owners may lack knowledge of the
products'
Correct your spelling
product's
show examples
ingredients and
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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scientific research.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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they may not
care
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about
people
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's well-being and give them the space to choose what they want.

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task achievement
Provide a clearer definition or examples of 'harmful foods or drinks' to enhance understanding of your position.
task achievement
Ensure that all points are well-supported with relevant details or examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using linking words and phrases to create a smoother flow between your ideas and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Vary your sentence structures to enhance the overall readability and engagement of your essay.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which sets a good foundation for your arguments.
task achievement
You provide some relevant examples to support your points, showing that you have thought critically about the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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