IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinio

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Nowadays, etiquettes are becoming the biggest issue in the
advance
Replace the word
advanced
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 level of schools. Most masses think that
teachers
Use synonyms
 should be responsible for maintaining the regulations among
students
Use synonyms
. Others have different points of view and they consider that
parents
Use synonyms
 need to teach their children about rules, and policies. In my opinion,
both
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 should make efforts to build up good discipline in
students
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. To commence,
teachers
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 are the first line to make their
learners
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learner's
learners'
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personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
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 very well. Because
students
Use synonyms
 spend most of their time in an institution
while
Linking Words
 studying. So, an educator can mould them in an appropriate manner.
Moreover
Linking Words
, tutors always try to learn new things and transfer their good and valuable knowledge to their achievers.
Teachers
Use synonyms
 are like open books and
students
Use synonyms
 clear half of their doubts from them. To
examplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
,
according to
Linking Words
New
Correct article usage
a New
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 York
university
Capitalize word
University
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 survey, 75 percent
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students
Change preposition
of students
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 are in more
discipline
Replace the word
disciplined
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whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 live in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 hostel and invest their precious time with their schoolmaster.
Hence
Linking Words
, a child is like clay and
parents
Use synonyms
 can mould them in any direction in the first 3 to 4 years of their life.
In other words
Linking Words
, children are quick
learner
Fix the agreement mistake
learners
show examples
 and they follow all the things which their
parents
Use synonyms
 are doing in front of them.
To
Change preposition
For
show examples
 instance, a survey conducted in 2018 in India and
this
Linking Words
 evidence showed that those infants are more positive, respectful, and a good communicator whose
parents
Use synonyms
are giving
Wrong verb form
give
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 respect to their elders and always handle all life situations with a
postivity
Correct your spelling
positivity
. In my
perspectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
show examples
, a child should be ready to learn
Verb problem
, no
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then
Linking Words
 does not matter
about
Change preposition
apply
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who teaches him
such
Linking Words
 as guidance or educator.
Both
Use synonyms
are playing
Wrong verb form
play
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valuable
Add an article
a valuable
the valuable
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 role
to polish
Change preposition
in polishing
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 children's skills and
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 their nature good.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 should be
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
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becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 a child
utilize
Correct subject-verb agreement
utilizes
show examples
 his equal time with
both
Use synonyms
 of them.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on providing clearer topic sentences and ensure each paragraph presents one main idea.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors and improve vocabulary usage for a more academic tone.
task achievement
The essay presents both perspectives clearly, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion on the role of both parents and teachers in discipline.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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