IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The increase in People’s life expectancy means that they have to work older to pay for their retirement. One alternative is that people start to work at a young age. Is this alternative a positive or a negative development?

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To begin
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 with, life expectancy has increased
due to
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improved
Correct article usage
the improved
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life style
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lifestyle
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 of people around the world.
Therefore
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, the number of elderly increases in different
soicitieis
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societies
 especially in developed countries. People now tend to
acheive
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achieve
 their goals at a younger age, starting jobs when they are still young. As far as
the
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apply
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retirement expenses
is
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are
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 concerned, it should not be
the
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a
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 fear from an early age. Naturally, nobody knows for how many years they will be living. I believe it is a negative development because making a
deceision
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decision
 in my early years, in the present for something in the future. In the case of people living with wealthy families,
this
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 should not be their biggest fear because nowadays money can be accessed easily,
throught
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through
 different sources,
relaying
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relying
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 on a 9-5 job for the income in
this
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 generation is not a question. Because you can freelance, make your opportunities even in the future during retirement. In conclusion, I totally do not agree that it is a positive development but rather it is a negative development because naturally the
circumcatnces
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circumstances
 in
this
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 decade differ.

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task achievement
Clarify the relationship between life expectancy and the need for early work in your introduction. Consider providing specific examples or statistics to strengthen your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Improve transitions between ideas to enhance logical flow. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' can help connect your thoughts more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Rephrase sentences for better clarity. For instance, instead of 'Naturally, nobody knows for how many years they will be living,' you could say, 'It's difficult to predict how long any individual will live.'
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the issue, making it easy for readers to understand your stance.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic directly and explores the implications of an increased life expectancy on work and retirement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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