IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

more and more people are choosing to eat, healthy food, and exercise. Why? what can we do to encourage this?

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There is debate over why society
start
Wrong verb form
started
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 to care about their health and body,
while
Linking Words
 a few years ago, individuals didn't try to improve their health, nowadays, being in good physical shape and reducing the amount of junk food is very widespread in gaining popularity.  nowadays, in
community
Correct article usage
the community
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people
Use synonyms
 like to watch
the
Correct article usage
apply
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luxury and aesthetic
life
Use synonyms
, mostly they
are monitoring
Wrong verb form
monitor
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 blogger
life
Use synonyms
, where they show their productive days or content makers edit their videos so that
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 good
life
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 visible,
show
Correct word choice
and show
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 the figure and how they achieved it. And that's how they show their daily lives with Physical activity, good nutrition and something like
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
that
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.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who watch it and follow the lives of bloggers or celebrities want the same lifestyle,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 same figure for themselves and try to emulate it. There are before they eat, looking at the
life
Use synonyms
 of celebrities or bloggers and
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 the amount of gym sessions. Encouraging that kind of lifestyle dream can add
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
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 or make
discount
Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
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 for
people
Use synonyms
 who invite their friends or relatives or someone else.
That's
Unnecessary verb
That
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 kind of action will increase the influx of
people
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
dream
Correct article usage
the dream
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 should
make
Verb problem
create
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opportunity
Correct article usage
an opportunity
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 for
convenient
Add an article
a convenient
the convenient
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 and good atmosphere where
crowd
Correct article usage
the crowd
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 have a desire for physical activity. And when they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
do it, it's raise
people
Use synonyms
 in their gym. It is a plus for them and for
Use synonyms
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
 so they improve their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
also
Linking Words
 in
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
 workers or trainers should provide
people
Use synonyms
 with a meal plan and how much food they should eat per day. In conclusion, the fact that borders and popular
people
Use synonyms
 are raising
a
Remove the article
apply
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awareness and broadcasting healthy eating in a good body is very good, because
people
Use synonyms
 strive for
this
Linking Words
,
also
Linking Words
 if Jim
attract
Change the verb form
attracts
show examples
 more
people
Use synonyms
 to exercise
every
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
everything will be even better.

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structure
Your essay touches on relevant points but can be more structured. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports that idea with details.
coherence
Use clearer transitions between sentences and ideas to improve the flow of your writing. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more specific examples. This can help illustrate your points and make your argument stronger.
positive
Your essay addresses the topic and provides some relevant reasons and suggestions for encouraging healthy lifestyles, which shows awareness of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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