IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In order to become a successful sports person some people are you that you need to have access to latest technology and the most up to date equipments other people believe that this things are not necessary for sporting success discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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As
technology
Use synonyms
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 things easier for individuals in every
sectors
Change to a singular noun
sector
show examples
such
Linking Words
medical
Correct your spelling
as medicine
show examples
, education,
sports
Use synonyms
, and many more. Some
people
Use synonyms
 reckon that a
person
Use synonyms
 will be successful in
sports
Use synonyms
, when they use recent
technology
Use synonyms
 and equipment
for improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
 their skills,
whereas
Linking Words
, some multitudes think that the
machines
Use synonyms
 used for
sporting
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 are not necessary to become a successful player. I
am fully agree
Change the verb form
fully agree
show examples
 with
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
 viewpoint because
sports
Use synonyms
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to build
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
strength in them. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views
along with
Linking Words
 my perspective in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with
prior
Add an article
the prior
show examples
 notion
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
 how
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
 role in the life of
Use synonyms
sports
Correct article usage
a sports
show examples
person
Use synonyms
. In
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
 place, the
machines
Use synonyms
 are imperative for
people
Use synonyms
 who play different games
such
Linking Words
 as badminton, running, weightlifting, and so on because they need high strength and stamina to win the tournament. When
people
Use synonyms
 run on
treadmill
Add an article
the treadmill
a treadmill
show examples
, they increase their stamina
as well as
Linking Words
 they make their body more healthy by sweating out.
Hence
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
machines
Use synonyms
good
Add a missing verb
are good
show examples
 for
sports
Use synonyms
 personalities. Despite the aforementioned view, there are some
people
Use synonyms
 who
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 that without
sports
Use synonyms
machines
Use synonyms
 a
person
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 win the competition. First and foremost, if a
person
Use synonyms
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have enough money to join the gym, they try to do the same exercises with heavy household things and by running
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the ground.
For example
Linking Words
, Malaka Singh used to practice
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
ground
Add an article
the ground
show examples
 and
for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 he used to pick heavy objects.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 can achieve their goals without the help of machinery as well. As far as, I am concerned, in today's world, multitudes have a lot of options to do
sports
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 had trainers in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 time as well
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
now due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 usage of
technology
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 do not need a trainer to teach anything
instead
Linking Words
, they use virtual
trainer
Fix the agreement mistake
trainers
show examples
 for
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
. Individuals can track
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
several things through mobile apps like their heartbeat, how many steps they walk in a day,
how
Correct word choice
and how
show examples
 much is their blood pressure. When they track their daily body movements,
people
Use synonyms
 can work on their weaknesses and overcome them by taking small steps towards
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 with the help of
guide
Add an article
a guide
the guide
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
 is important in
sports
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, even though,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manual improvement
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
people
Use synonyms
in achieving
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
 their goals in
sports
Use synonyms
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 improves their performance and abilities by giving them
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
proper guidance. In my opinion,
sports
Use synonyms
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 superior for individuals.

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task achievement
Your introduction should clearly state that you will discuss both views and provide your opinion. Consider recasting your thesis statement to reflect this structure more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to maintain a consistent logical flow between ideas. Adding transition phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments more clearly.
task achievement
In your examples, ensure that they are clearly relevant to your argument. Providing more specific examples would strengthen your points.
task achievement
You presented both viewpoints well and included your opinion, which is essential for this type of essay.
task achievement
You made a good attempt to support your viewpoints with examples from real-life situations.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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