IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries people have to go away from their family and friends to find work. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Thousands of people, leave their family and
friend
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friends
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 to go and live away from them in search of better
work
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opportunites
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opportunities
 Working far away from family can have both advantages and disadvantages. I believe
,
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apply
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 it has more negative points than positive.
Firstly
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, working far away from family can become expensive;
reduced
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reducing
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 time with family and friends.
For instance
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,
a
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an
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 Indian expat working in Dubai
,
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apply
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 has to commute to
work
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, hire accommodations, food
cost
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costs
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 and other living expenses without family and friends. One of the primary drawbacks is the lack of emotional support and companionship that family members provide. When faced with challenges or difficult situations, individuals may feel isolated and lonely without the presence of their loved ones to turn to for guidance and comfort.
Additionally
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, being physically separated from family can lead to feelings of homesickness and a sense of missing out on important family events and milestones.
On the other hand
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, it promotes personal
growtha
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growth
growth a
nd
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and
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 development.
For example
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, living and working in
new
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a new
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 city or country can foster self-reliance and
problem solving
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problem-solving
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 skills as you navigate daily life without the support of family. In conclusion, the decision to
work
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 far away from family is a personal one that depends on individual circumstances and priorities.
While
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 there are benefits to gaining independence and experiences in a new location, I believe, it is important to consider the higher potential drawbacks of being away from the emotional support and connection that family provides which might affect
work
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 performance and
ineffective
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be ineffective
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 in
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work place
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workplace
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.

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language
Try to ensure proper punctuation and grammar throughout the essay. For example, "Thousands of people, leave their family and friend" should be corrected to "Thousands of people leave their families and friends."
content
Consider expanding on your arguments with additional examples or reasoning to strengthen your points. For instance, you could elaborate more on how homesickness impacts work performance.
structure
Make sure to organize your paragraphs more clearly, ensuring each point has a separate paragraph and integrating more complex linking phrases for cohesion.
content
Your essay clearly presents a personal viewpoint, which is a strong aspect of task achievement.
coherence
You have addressed both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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