Playing musical instruments is wasting time do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays, more and more
people
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are concerned about the
time
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spent on music.
However
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, whether playing musical
instruments
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is a waste of
time
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is a controversial issue. In my opinion, playing musical
instruments
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like
piano
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the piano
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or violin
are
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is
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beneficial for
people
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’s
life
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lives
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, if they control the
time
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spend
on
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apply
show examples
.
Firstly
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, it is obvious that playing
instruments
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is another tool to communicate in our modern life.
This
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is
because
Add the preposition
because of
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the rich and powerful
people
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in our society who can communicate without language
barrier
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barriers
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all over the world.
For example
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,
people
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should be encouraged not only to
be
Verb problem
communicate
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more physically
communicate
Verb problem
apply
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but
also
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achieve
Fix the infinitive
to achieve
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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mental
reaching
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reach
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to each other in general, which
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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them a worldwide friendly talking style and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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them more united in different countries.
Secondly
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, persuading
people
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to play musical
instruments
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would be a more effective strategy for improving sleep quality, especially for elder
people
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.
For instance
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, what
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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need most is not only money
,
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apply
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but
also
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leisure activities and
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
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mood. The fact
people
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attend a concert could relax their
body
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bodies
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and refresh their memory.
This
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is not to say that spending too much
time
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on
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apply
show examples
playing musical
instruments
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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wholesome for
peoples’
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people’s
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long-term development.
Likewise
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,
instead
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of relaxing,
people
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also
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need to focus on their main job and take their responsibilities
on
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in
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their fields
that
Correct word choice
so that
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societies to be stable and move forward.
While
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there are both benefits and drawbacks to both approaches, it is safe to say that the pros of playing musical
instruments
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outweigh the cons. In conclusion, if
people
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want to play musical
instruments
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, they are welcome to do so which will make them feel full of happiness. Meanwhile, we
would
Verb problem
should
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not ignore the fact that wasting too much
time
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing
instruments
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can have negative effects. By doing so, we can make sure that
people
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who focus on playing musical
instruments
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become more helpful and necessary than those who do not.

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Task Achievement
The introduction should clearly state your position and outline your main points more succinctly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates directly to your overall argument.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Rephrase the last sentence of the conclusion for better clarity and impact.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, arguing that playing instruments can be beneficial.
Task Achievement
The idea of playing instruments as a form of communication is a unique perspective.
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