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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The maps below show the changes of a school from 1985 to the present time. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The maps below show the changes of a school from 1985 to the present time. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
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The map demonstrates the significant modification of the
school
Use synonyms
 between the year 1985
till
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the present time. Minor changes
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 in the structure of the
school
Use synonyms
 and that shows why there is an upward trade in the number of
students
Use synonyms
 as the
school
Use synonyms
 population increased by 800
students
Use synonyms
! As people nowadays
focuses
Change the verb form
focus
show examples
 on fitness, we can see that the
school
Use synonyms
 constructed a fitness centre with a pool on the side. Naturally,
this
Linking Words
 took some space.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the playing field was
downsided
Correct your spelling
downsized
downsides
downside
 to make room for other facilities.
Also
Linking Words
, the 3 classrooms size was extended to occupy more
students
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the library was replaced with
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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learning resources
in addition
Linking Words
 to a computer room as technology has a high demand among people,
in particular
Linking Words
 among
students
Use synonyms
 to help them with the resources. Car
parkings
Correct your spelling
parking
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 essential as there were 2 parking areas, but it was taking
a
Change preposition
up a
show examples
large space so
Linking Words
instead
Add a comma
instead,
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 the small car park area was removed to make some space. On top of that, a new access road was added.
Overall
Linking Words
, the changes will definitely
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a strong impact on the
Use synonyms
students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
show examples
 performance.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • expansion
  • modernized
  • remodeled
  • facilities
  • playground
  • comprise
  • extracurricular activities
  • recreational area
  • academic resources
  • structure
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