IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say that schools should teach good behavior to children and introduce them to "right" and "wrong". Parents should not be the only once responsible. Do you agree or disagree?

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There
iss
Correct your spelling
is
 a trend for the vast majority of people to hold an opinion that
children
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 should be
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
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 manners and told what is good and bad.
Moreover
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, they say that there must be somebody except
parents
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 who will take responsibility for it. I certainly do not agree with the statement as
parents
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 play the most significant role in
upbringing
Correct article usage
the upbringing
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the
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of the
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 child and no one else is not responsible for his behaviour. In
this
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 essay let us discuss both sides of
this
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 argument and reach a reasonable conclusion.
Firstly
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,
children
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 spend most of their time at home especially before school so mostly they learn everything at home.
Therefore
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, at
school
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school,
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 they behave as they were
upbringed
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upbringing
upbraided
by their
parents
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 at home, so adults must teach
children
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 to
well
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good
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 behaviour, and
Add a missing verb
be introduced
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introduced
Wrong verb form
introduce
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 to right and wrong at early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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 by them.
Secondly
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, at
schools
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schools,
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 every teacher has several classes to give lessons and in every
class
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class,
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 there are more than 15 students. They have from 5 to 8 lessons a day so for teachers it would be challenging to change everyone's behaviours to the better side,
furthermore
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, teachers have their own families and
children
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 too so every parent should ming their own kid's manners.
To conclude
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,
parents
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 are the ones who tell their kids about everything good and bad,
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additionally
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additionally,
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 make them hold themselves together and teach to
a
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apply
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good behaviour. I certainly believe that it is only their responsibility to
upbring
Correct your spelling
bring
 their
children
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 properly.

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task achievement
Focus on providing more relevant examples to support your viewpoints. This will enhance your argumentation.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for small spelling and grammatical errors. This will improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Consider expanding on your points to create a clearer logical structure in your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
You provided a clear stance on the issue and structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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