IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You are a student at your local college. The school is considering offering health insurance to all its students. This would include 50% coverage of dental, vision, and prescription drugs. If the school decides to implement this plan, $100 would be added to each student's fees every semester. Which option do you prefer? Explain your choice? Option A: Approve the plan Option B: Reject the plan

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Recently, the managers of the local college made a
descision
Correct your spelling
decision
 to offer health
insurance
Use synonyms
 which
is include
Change the verb form
includes
show examples
 50% coverage of dental, vision, and prescription drugs.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if everybody
be agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 plan,
then
Linking Words
 the parents have to pay 100$ extra every semester. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 plan because of two reasons. I will explain in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 following statement. The first reason is that it is expensive and you do not have any options. My family and I can find
insurance
Use synonyms
 not only
having
Verb problem
because we have
show examples
 more
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 but
also
Linking Words
it
Correct word choice
because it
show examples
 is fit for us.
For example
Linking Words
, we are 4 people in
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
, depending on age, background
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 needed we can go for
insurance
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 suitable for us.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is good to find
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 coverage for all
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. The second reason is that you can get
insurance
Use synonyms
 for all
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, when you get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
insurance
Use synonyms
 for
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
 your children
doesn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
 need to pay for another
insurance
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, you do not need to pay extra for children, it is like double pay for
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 things which is not worth and economy.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 hand, some people believe that it is
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 deal.
However
Linking Words
, it is not
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 deal, because it is not cover your
needed
Replace the word
needs
show examples
 like your budget. In conclusion, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 plan and I think it is not necessary to do it because of those reasons that I mentioned above like you do not have any options to choose which is suit for you
according to
Linking Words
 your age, background, and budget.

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and outlines two main reasons for rejecting the plan, which is good. However, strengthening the arguments with more specific details and examples could enhance the overall impact.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of the essay could be improved with clearer topic sentences for each paragraph and smoother transitions between ideas, which would enhance the logical flow.
coherence and cohesion
Consider expanding on your concluding statement to summarize your key points more effectively and reinforce your stance on the issue.
task achievement
You effectively stated your opinion and provided reasons for your choice, which directly addresses the prompt.
task achievement
Your use of examples to support your points is a strong aspect of your writing, demonstrating your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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