IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A few people debate that technological inventions like cellphone are making people socially less interactive. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Nowadays, it is argued that advancements in cellphone technology are making individuals more reserved and less interactive.
This
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 invention has impacted our lives, both positively and negatively.
This
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 essay will discuss about
cellphones
Use synonyms
 , their advantages and drawbacks.
To begin
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 with, mobile phones
became
Wrong verb form
have become
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 an inseparable part of our daily lives. They make
communication
Use synonyms
 with
people
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 look easy
while
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 providing a plethora of mobile applications (apps) which aid individuals in various situations.
Furthermore
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, they are compact,
hence
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 the name mobile phone, so
people
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could
Wrong verb form
can
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 carry them with ease
and
Correct word choice
apply
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also
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 they provide other forms of
communication
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 namely instant messages and electronic
mails
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mail
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 (e-mails). One important aspect of mobile phones is social media which integrates
people
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, anywhere around the world, in one common platform of
communication
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.
For example
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, when
cellphones
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 were first introduced in the late 1990s and
smartphones
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 early 2000s, they completely replaced landlines-which were the default mode of
communication
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 for decades- in a matter of years.
Although
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 phones offer a lot of advantages, they are not without their drawbacks.
Firstly
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,
people
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 became addicts of
smartphones
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 and their
overall
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 interaction with
people
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 around them reduced
also
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 individuals felt the need to gain popularity among netizens ( internet users) and
this
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 need became a huge issue since
people
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 would do anything to gain popularity ,so
smartphones
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 have detrimental effects on
people
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's mind.
Secondly
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, deaths, which mainly arise from road accidents,related to
smartphones
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 are on the rise .
Hence
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, reducing
usage
Add an article
the usage
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 of
Use synonyms
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
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 will definitely have positive effects on
people
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's
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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.
To conclude
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,
this
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 invention has changed humanity in many ways , both good and bad.
Cellphones
Use synonyms
 are a kind of technology that must be used responsibly in order to improve
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
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both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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physical and mental
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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.
Therefore
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 , I strongly agree with the statement.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic rather than just mentioning the discussion.
task achievement
Expand on the drawbacks of cellphone usage with more specific examples or personal anecdotes for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Consider revising run-on sentences for clarity and impact.
content
You provide a good overview of both the advantages and disadvantages of cellphone use.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital platforms
  • face-to-face interactions
  • over-reliance
  • communication skills
  • verbal communication
  • superficial relationships
  • virtual social networks
  • texting
  • social media interactions
  • illusion of companionship
  • long distances
  • diverse communication
  • online communities
  • forums
  • meaningful interactions
What to do next:
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