There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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While
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the majority of
people
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believe that there are many benefits from
globalization
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, others might not totally think in the same way.
However
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, I totally stand for
a
Correct article usage
the
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pro side of
globalization
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beacuse
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because
it positively impacts how we currently share useful
information
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and
also
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creates more opportunities that enhance
people
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's quality of life. One of the most obvious positive impacts is that the way
people
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exchange
information
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has entirely transformed, enabling them to
access
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research or more advanced data. By being able to
access
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those
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this
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information
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, several countries develop or even protect themselves from severe diseases, decreasing the number of fatalities.
For example
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, during
COVID-19
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the COVID-19
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era, many nations suffered from insufficient knowledge of vaccinations,
many
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and many
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citizens got sick.
However
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,
globalization
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helped those countries
access
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necessary vaccines and medical
information
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, eventually curing their residents. Another reason to support
globalization
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is that it is the door that opens many opportunities to improve
people
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's lives. Individuals who live in undeveloped countries have more chances to
access
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better educational systems, contributing to a higher probability of getting better jobs.
For instance
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, many talented young adults are able to study abroad, especially in top-notch universities that provide the best courses.
As a result
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, they broaden their knowledge, skills, and experiences, leading them to get high-paid jobs, and
also
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live in a better place. In conclusion,
although
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some
people
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still criticise
globalization
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, I strongly believe that it is beneficial. It not only allows
people
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to share and
access
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useful
information
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,
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apply
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but
also
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enhances
people
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's quality of life by connecting
people
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to better sources of knowledge and education.

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task achievement
Try to ensure that all your supporting points are fully developed and clearly connected to your main argument. Some examples could benefit from a little more elaboration to reinforce your points.
coherence and cohesion
Aim for variety in your sentence structures to enhance the overall fluency of your writing. This also affects how engaging your text is.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that you check for minor spelling and grammatical errors to polish your essay before submission. For example, 'beacuse' should be 'because'.
task achievement
You present a clear position on the topic and support it with relevant examples which strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well formed, clearly framing the argument presented in your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • international trade
  • cultural homogenization
  • multinational corporations
  • sustainable development
  • economic disparities
  • technological advancement
  • cultural exchange
  • scrutinize
  • ethics
  • innovation
  • connectivity
  • protectionism
  • outsourcing
  • free market
  • trade liberalization
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