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Writing Samples
Band 8

The table below shows information about age, average income per person and population below poverty line in three states in the USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows information about age, average income per person and population below poverty line in three states in the USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table illustrates the percentages of European countries’ expenditures on several items. Units are measured in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, what stands out from the table is that all countries spend most of their income on housing and food and drink,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the percentages
of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 entertainment and clothing rank
last
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

. Moving to a detailed analysis, France, Germany, and the UK spend one-third of their money on housing, at 31%, 33%, and 37% respectively,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 they spend on food and drink around 25%.
In contrast
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Turkey and Spain do the opposite. They
allot
Correct your spelling
allow

The word allot doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 to housing just approximately 20%. The proportion of Turkey’s expenditure on food and drink is 5% more than that of Spain, with the former accounting for 36%. With regard to the indicator of spending on clothing and entertainment, all countries do not spend a lot on these items. France and Spain pay less than 10% of their income for clothing,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 others allocate just more than 10% of their salary. The people of Germany are more passionate about spending money on entertainment than others, at 19%. The indicator of France’s expenditure on clothing is 2% less than Spain’s, at 13%.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 figure for Turkey and the UK is roughly the same, at 10%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Comparative analysis
  • Metrics
  • Economic conditions
  • Cost of living
  • Percentage
  • Poverty line
  • Demographics
  • Workforce composition
  • Income disparity
  • Correlation
  • Economic health
  • Social-economic challenges
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