IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are bet or that they find the most interesting. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Teenage is the age
where
Correct word choice
when
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 the individual themselves are fighting their own battle . In
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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 circumstances, there are lots of stuff that they want their
hand
Use synonyms
 into . Students of that age have got so much
in
Change preposition
on
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 their plate . A lot of questions may arise
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
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 situation and every parent or guide
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 their own way of dealing with it. The learners definitely have much to study which is going to play a crucial role in their future . The topics taught at the school must have
Correct article usage
the student
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student
Change noun form
student's
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 full attention . The subjects mainly maths , science and history highly
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
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 focus . That cannot be risked because it will have
direct
Add an article
a direct
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 impact on their aspiring career .
This
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 will help them to incline academically and provide
a
Change the article
an
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 opportunity to secure a bright position .
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Use synonyms
 , the fellows should
also
Linking Words
 be given a chance to participate
on
Change preposition
in
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 other activities that they find fascinating .
For example
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 , the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 good at sports, music, drawing etc
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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seem mostly happy. There is a higher
probabilty
Correct your spelling
probability
 of them pursuing a career in those fields with great income side by side . If they are not given a chance to excel in their interest
then
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 that will have a huge impact on their
psycholgy
Correct your spelling
psychology
 to other important factors
that
Linking Words
Change the verb form
are
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is require
Change the verb form
is required
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 for their growth .
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 the
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
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 activities help the students in developing valuable
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
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.
As
Change preposition
In
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, both the studies and interests can go
hand
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
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hand
Use synonyms
 if properly managed . Proper guidance should be given in order to excel in the field that are astonished about . The school should try to balance both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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activities, to reduce pressure
to
Change preposition
on
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 the developing brains.

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task achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating your position on the issue. This helps the reader understand your perspective right from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea of that paragraph to improve coherence.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or anecdotes to support your points, making them more relatable and convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your essay for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes which can distract the reader from your main points.
task achievement
You addressed both views in your essay, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
You included some insightful points about the importance of extracurricular activities, showcasing a well-rounded perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded knowledge base
  • cognitive flexibility
  • adaptability
  • creativity
  • multidisciplinary
  • career prospects
  • informed
  • versatile
  • motivation
  • engagement
  • achievement
  • specialization
  • in-depth expertise
  • emotional and psychological well-being
  • satisfaction
  • burnout
  • personal and professional fulfillment
  • tailor
  • individual needs
  • broad curriculum
  • compromise
  • diverse range
What to do next:
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