IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink that has been scientifically proved to be bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Most
of
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apply
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people
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,
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apply
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 would agree that
food
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 and drinks which have
being
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been
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 proven by science to be marked as unhealthy to be consumed by
human
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humans
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,
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apply
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 should be banned by
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Food related
Correct your spelling
Food-related
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 associations. Even though it is difficult to be applied, as labelling
food
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 healthy or not healthy,
is
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it
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depend
Wrong verb form
depends
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 on
evidence based
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evidence-based
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 scientific research studies. As studies are conducted each year with different results, one study can prove that one
food
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 is healthy
while
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 another study
support
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supports
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 the opposite, which makes it not easy work to be made
by
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apply
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decision makers
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decision-makers
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. There are known
food
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 that
are
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is
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 unhealthy and they are not allowed to be sold or be part of any
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food related
Add a hyphen
food-related
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 items,
such
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 as cancerogenic proven additives, they are
prohepted
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protected
prohibited
 in most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries around the world. Some
people
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 argue that do not prevent certain
food
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 in shops and let the consumers decide what
the
Correct your spelling
they
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 want to buy.
This
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 should not be allowed as
this
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 can lead to
health related
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health-related
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 issues, which
then
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 will put more burden on
health
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the health
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 care system, which can be avoided
at
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in
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first
Correct article usage
the first
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 place by banning certain
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food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
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 that
known
Add a missing verb
are known
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 to affect
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people
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people's
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 lives. Some countries started to educate
people
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 about how to read nutrition
food
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label
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labels
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 of products, which will help them to identify what is the safe amount to be in a
food
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 item
for example
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 how much grams of salt, sugar or fat there are.
Also
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,
government
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the government
show examples
 need to do more by having nutrition consultants and by
close
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closely
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 monitoring the
food
Use synonyms
 industry.

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Task Achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to clearly present your position on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that sentences within the paragraphs are logically connected.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to support your claims, as this will strengthen your arguments.
Content
You have raised important points about the health implications of unhealthy foods, which shows critical thinking.
Content
The essay attempts to cover different perspectives on the issue, which suggests an understanding of the complexity of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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