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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some think that parents reading books for entertainment to their children is a waste of time and they should only read them serious educational books. Do you agree or disagree?

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These days, people think reading
books
Use synonyms
 should be often used for academics,
While
Linking Words
 others argue that it should be used for entertainment purposes too. I completely disagree with the given statement which I will explain in the following essay with relevant examples.
Firstly
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, Youngsters' brains have not completely developed enough to read high-volume
books
Use synonyms
 as they can not understand the content in the notes,
As a result
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, they lose interest in reading and they might never touch those materials,
For example
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, we see many of those kids
books
Use synonyms
 have pictures and
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
 pages to attract their attention which will make a habit to make them read.
Moreover
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, Using
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 intensive study materials makes them bored and it can affect their academic results too.
For instance
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, a study says people who only read high-volume pages become more isolated as it becomes their primary source of happiness. In
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 they may lose themselves without any attachments to socialize.
Secondly
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, we have plenty of recreational activities but reading
books
Use synonyms
 for
that is
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 more significant as it develops reading skills and the ability to understand.
Moreover
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, it makes consumers engage, It
also
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 provides general knowledge like what happening around us, Magzines and sports
books
Use synonyms
 are more important for kids so that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can help their brains to develop with what they want.
For example
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, a 2017 report from China shows people who prefer reading more recreational
books
Use synonyms
, have more concentration and dedication levels towards their careers which leads to academic success.
To conclude
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,
Although
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 serious educational
books
Use synonyms
 are significant for good grades. But reading
books
Use synonyms
 for entertainment purposes
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
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 has the same value because one may need to have dopamine released from the brain by reading their favourite material.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of your essay by better linking your points and using transition words to connect ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Ensure that your main arguments are fully developed with a clearer explanation of how they relate to your thesis.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid grammatical errors and improve your sentence structures for clarity and impact; for instance, 'high-volume pages' can be confusing without context.
task achievement
You present a clear position on the topic, indicating your disagreement with the notion that only educational reading is valuable, which strengthens your overall argument.
task achievement
Your use of examples adds credibility to your arguments and helps illustrate your points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhance creativity
  • foster a love for reading
  • gateway to more serious reading
  • parent-child bond
  • emotional and psychological development
  • moral lessons and values
  • diverse cultures
  • engaging and enjoyable
  • problem-solving
  • innovative thinking
  • disengagement
  • overall learning experience
  • serious educational content
  • storytelling and literature
  • reading with children
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