In many countries, young people decide to leave their parents home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing home with friends. Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

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todays
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Today
young people tend to live alone or with their
friends
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instead
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of living with
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parents
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their parents
show examples
after completing study .
this
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is a positive development. a lot of
arugements
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arguments
surround my opinion which
i
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I
show examples
shall discuss in
this
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paragraph. there are many benefits of living alone . youngsters become more
indepentent
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independent
while
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living on their own. they can learn to
take
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make
show examples
proper
dicision
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decisions
when needed.
moreover
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, they can experience several problems
while
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living alone and they can find solutions by themselves
for overcoming
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to overcome
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any difficult situation.
therefore
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, their problem-solving skill would develop. what is more, living alone can make them
to
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apply
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do household chores by themselves
such
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as cleaning, cooking and so on which they might not
willing
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be willing
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to do
while
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living with
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parents
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their parents
show examples
.
furthermore
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, living with
friends
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can enhance their social skills. they can learn from their peers how to behave properly with the people around them
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also
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and also
show examples
can learn to contribute
for
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to
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making a better society . their communication skill has
also
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increase
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increased
show examples
as they see their
friends
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and want to develop
such
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skills
on
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in
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them. living with
friends
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can
also
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make their life
enjoyble
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enjoyable
as they sometimes might feel bored
while
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living with
parents
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specially
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especially
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if both
parents
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are working .
however
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,
parents
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can monitor their children when they live together . so that children would not fall
any
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into any
show examples
difficult situations. living together
also
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increase
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increases
show examples
bonding between child and
parents
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.
therefore
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, they can share
eveything
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everything
with their
parents
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without any
hesistation
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hesitation
.
overall
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, living alone or with
friends
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can make young people both
Correct quantifier usage
more indepentent
show examples
indepentent
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independent
and energetic
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then
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than
show examples
staying in
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
house .

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task achievement
Your essay has some clear points, but needs more depth and examples to support your arguments. Try to elaborate on each point with specific experiences or scenarios.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the flow of your ideas. Use linking words and phrases to connect your thoughts more smoothly. This will help readers follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling and grammatical errors. This will help improve clarity and professionalism in your writing.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the topic and supported it with a variety of points.
task achievement
Your argument about gaining independence is meaningful and relevant to young people's experiences today.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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