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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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In many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 people often move away from friends and family to find
work
Use synonyms
 . For the majority of the
time
Use synonyms
 it has more
advatages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 than disadvantages
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because when you move away you will contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
devolopment
Correct your spelling
development
 of the country and be more focused on your
work
Use synonyms
 ,
on the other hand
Linking Words
 working
while
Linking Words
 you are away from your friends and family could be depressing and lonely . working away from your loved ones could be an advantage most of the
time
Use synonyms
 , and there are many reasons for it , working away from your family will make you more focused on your
work
Use synonyms
 and less distracted by other things. And mostly working distant from your family is linked with jobs of higher importance than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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regular jobs .
For example
Linking Words
 workers in oil rigs usually they are placed in a place far from the country to ensure excellent results and less danger
on
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to
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 the
citzens
Correct your spelling
citizens
. Working in a distant job could be a disadvantage as well
,
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apply
show examples
when you are away from your piers usually people will get less excited waking up every morning and going to your job , that could be to
number
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a number
the number
show examples
 of reasons
such
Linking Words
us
Correct your spelling
as
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, being bored all the
time
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 which by nature will make you less excited about your job. I remember my brother 3 years ago he used to
work
Use synonyms
 in a city far from ours when we called him he used to say that would be the highlight of his day . In conclusion , in my
opinion
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opinion,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because most of the
time
Use synonyms
 people with
this
Linking Words
 kind of
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 often contribute the most
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
devolopment
Correct your spelling
development
 of the country .

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your main stance. Revise your thesis statement to more directly present your viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of your ideas by using linking words and phrases between sentences and paragraphs. This can enhance the logical progression of your argument.
task achievement
In your body paragraphs, try to develop your ideas further with additional examples and explanations. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
You’ve presented a relevant personal example which adds a nice touch and makes your argument relatable.
task achievement
Your recognition of both advantages and disadvantages shows a balanced approach to the topic, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
What to do next:
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