IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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These pie charts illustrate
methods
Correct article usage
the methods
show examples
 and consequences of residential
energy
Use synonyms
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are several
propose
Replace the word
proposals
show examples
 to consume
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
 in residential
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, each proposal has a significant impact on
greenhouse
Use synonyms
 gas
emissions
Use synonyms
 differently. Focusing on
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption datasets in
Australia
Use synonyms
, the data
represents
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
 citizens have frequently used heaters
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
42%,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
emissions
Use synonyms
 of air pollution
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 only about 15%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, water
heater
Fix the agreement mistake
heaters
show examples
 have a remarkable impact on
greenhouse
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 32%,
while
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
used
Change the form of the verb
use
show examples
 is only 30%. Interestingly,
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 and lighting cause a release of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Fix the agreement mistake
gases
show examples
approximation
Replace the word
approximately
show examples
 twice of
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
 consumed.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, cooling
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 cause a minimal impact with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 3%
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
 used is only 2%.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
one quarter
Add a hyphen
one-quarter
show examples
 of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 caused by other appliances which is twice
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of its
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, australia, greenhouse, emissions, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Average Australian household
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Energy consumption
  • Activities
  • Heating
  • Cooling
  • Water heating
  • Appliances
  • Lighting
  • Standby
  • Percentage (%)
  • Consumption patterns
  • Efficiency
  • Emissions impact
  • Renewable energy
  • Energy-saving measures
  • Sustainability
  • Carbon footprint
  • Electricity
  • Natural gas
  • Emissions breakdown
  • Energy audit
  • Environmental impact
  • Conservation
  • Mitigation strategies
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