IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work. With increased use of computers, the internet and smartphones, more and more people are starting to work from home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience, and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

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Nowadays, an increased use of
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 has a
sigifiacant
Correct your spelling
significant
 impact on everyday life
espesstially
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especially
 working life. After Covid19 pandemic, many
of
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apply
show examples
companies have modernized their working style to be
hybrid
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a hybrid
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 between working
on site
Add a hyphen
on-site
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 and working remotely with the help of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
. I strongly believe that there are
advantages
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 and disadvantages
of
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to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 development. One of the
advantages
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 of working remotely is that it
reduced
Wrong verb form
reduces
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traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 and
time
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 spent commuting.
To be
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Being
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 a commuter
espesstially duing
Correct your spelling
especially during
 rush hour can drain your energy. Consequentially, it will make you feel exhausted by the
time
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 you arrive at your office or workplace.
In contrast
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, crowd congestion would not be a problem when you working from home.
On the other hand
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, distraction
at
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in
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 your residential area might be a serious problem when you work remotely.
For example
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, noise from your children or poor work environment.
Therefore
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, your productivity will be decreased. A second disadvantage of working remotely is that it will have an
affect
Replace the word
effect
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 on
you
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your
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time
Use synonyms
 management. If you do not separate your working
time
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 and relaxation
time
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 properly, you will spend your resting
time
Use synonyms
 completing a working task.
Furthermore
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, feeling isolated will be a
consequen
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consequence
 of working remotely. The reason is that
to
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apply
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working from home will have less chance and opportunity to
sociallise
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socialise
socialize
 with
other worker
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another worker
other workers
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. For the reason mentioned above, it seems to me that there are both
advantages
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 and disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 working from home.
However
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,
working
Add an article
the working
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 environment is a major key that probably
affect
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affects
show examples
 your productivity. If we can control
working
Correct article usage
the working
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 environment to have less distraction and
clear
Correct article usage
a clear
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 schedule, I believe that the
overall
Linking Words
advantages
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 would outweigh the
advantages
Use synonyms
.

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Task Response
The introduction provides a general overview of the topic but could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that outlines the advantages and disadvantages explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improving sentence variety and clarity in expressing ideas will enhance the overall readability and fluency of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, making it easier for readers to follow your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors, as they detract from the overall quality of your writing. Proofreading may help to minimize these issues.
Task Achievement
You have identified relevant points regarding both advantages and disadvantages of remote work, showcasing your understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your position regarding the impact of the working environment on productivity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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