IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? hat sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
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 present world,
socialise
Wrong verb form
socialising
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 is one of the most significant
factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
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 for
human-being
Correct your spelling
human beings
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.
Therefore
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, Learning between the true and false is necessary for every
adoresent
Correct your spelling
adolescent
.
However
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, I strongly disagree
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
usage
Add an article
the usage
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 of vilolent to be a method of teaching. One
of
Change preposition
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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disadvantage is that
vilolent
Correct your spelling
violent
violence
 from punishment may lead to other endless possible problems
such
Linking Words
 as self-harming,
cauing
Correct your spelling
causing
 depression, and mental illness. More specifically, the worst consequence
from
Change preposition
of
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 punishment is domestic
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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. The relationship between
parent
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parents
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 and
there
Replace the word
their
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child
Use synonyms
 could be physically damaged and mentally
sufferred
Correct your spelling
suffered
.
In addition
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,
this
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 problem could cause
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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long-term problems
to
Change preposition
for
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teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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them self
Correct your spelling
themself
themselves
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 and the
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
 in
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, I believe that teaching the difference between right and wrong can
encouraged
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encourage
show examples
 their
child
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 to understand the
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
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 of the choices they
made
Wrong verb form
make
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.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 is a magnificent
ways
Change the noun form
way
show examples
 to enhance their self-awareness since
they
Add a verb
they are
they were
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 still young.
Other
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Another
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 benefit is that the
child
Use synonyms
 could grow up
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
great
Correct article usage
a great
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 manner.
Lastly
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,
adorescent
Correct your spelling
adolescents
adolescent
 could be more respectful to other citizens when they become
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
. As for the reason I
mension
Correct your spelling
mention
mentioned
 above, I believe that
it
Add a verb
it is
it was
show examples
 necessary for the
child
Use synonyms
 to learn the consequence of their activity.
However
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,
learning
Correct article usage
the learning
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 method is a major factor that
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to
be consider
Change the verb form
be considered
show examples
. The usage of
viloent
Correct your spelling
violent
 could let the disadvantage
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
overcome the advantage.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be clearer and more structured. Consider rephrasing the thesis statement to directly reflect your viewpoint on punishment for teaching right from wrong.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that supports your thesis. The transitions between ideas could be improved for better flow.
task achievement
In your arguments, provide specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your ideas more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors. For example, ‘vilolent’ should be ‘violent’, and ‘adoresent’ should be ‘adolescent’. These errors can distract from the content of your essay.
task achievement
Your awareness of the potential negative effects of violent punishment is commendable and shows critical thinking about the issue.
task achievement
You effectively identify the importance of teaching children the difference between right and wrong, which is central to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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