IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more qualified peopleare moving from poor to rich countiries to fill vacancies in specialist areas like engineering. computing and medicine. Some people believe that by encouraging the movement of such people, rich countires are tealing from poor countires. Other feel that this is only part of the natural movement of workers around the world

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One of the widely discussed issues
now days
Correct the word
nowadays
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 is moving from poor to rich
countries
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. Qualified
people
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 moving from poor
countries
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 want to find new jobs
like
Change preposition
in
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 engineering, computing, medicine, building and
for
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apply
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sport
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sports
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. Now
people
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 realize that the movement of
workers
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 relates to
impoverishment
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the impoverishment
an impoverishment
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 of
underdevelopment
Correct article usage
an underdevelopment
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country
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.
However
Linking Words
,some
a
Correct article usage
apply
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think it is only part of the natural movement of
workers
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 around the world. Personally, I tend to think that it is stealing developed
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country
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countries
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is well known that attracts talented
workers
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 from developed
countries
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. What I mean here is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 decreasing demography of developed
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country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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. It is
big
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a big
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 obstacle for
future
Correct article usage
the future
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 of poor
countries
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. A good case in point is
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the government
a government
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government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
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 of poor
countries
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need
Add the particle
need to
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 keep their talents,
then
Linking Words
 they will develop
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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country
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. Take
for example
Linking Words
Uzbekistan
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.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 of
Uzbekistan
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 did not keep their
people
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. After that 21% of skilled
workers
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 from
Uzbekistan
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 moved
to
Change preposition
apply
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abroad to find new opportunities to work .
Consequently
Linking Words
,It is
serious
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a serious
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 challenge to
demography
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the demography
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 of
Uzbekistan
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it can
also
Linking Words
 be argued that it is
serious
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a serious
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 challenge to
economy
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the economy
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. Because professional
workers
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 leave from
developed
Add an article
a developed
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country
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.
Professional
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Professionals
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 will
be develop
Change the verb form
develop
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economy
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the economy
show examples
 of
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country
Add an article
the country
a country
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. Because they will construct new companies, fabric and hospitals. Take
for example
Linking Words
 China.
People
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 from China opened new companies
Consequently
Linking Words
,China’s economy developed In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that rich
countries
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 will steal talents from poor
countries
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. Governments of developed
countries
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 need to construct new factories for work in developed

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task achievement
Strengthen your thesis statement to clearly express your position. Providing more context about why this movement is seen as 'stealing' would help.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that relates back to your thesis. Using signposting language can improve the flow between ideas.
task achievement
Provide clearer connections between examples and the points being made. Consider more detailed examples or elaboration to enhance your arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses an important global issue and presents a clear viewpoint.
task achievement
The use of examples adds credibility to your points, particularly in discussing China and Uzbekistan.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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