IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that online reading materials are better for children. Others argues that traditional paper based resources are better. Discuss and give your opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that some people think that reading is important in both ways either online base or
Use synonyms
paper
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on paper
show examples
 base.
While
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 it is commonly held belief that E-Books
is
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are
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 more effective than
Use synonyms
paper base
Correct your spelling
paper-based
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 reading,there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it.In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 I consider that visual learning is more attractive to the children,which makes them love and enjoy reading.
This
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 essay will first analyze
advantages
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the advantages
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 of online reading.It will
then
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 investigate traditional
resources
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 before
finally
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examin
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examining
 my opinion.
To begin
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 with, online learning is convenient
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also
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and also
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 more attractive to the kids.
In other
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words
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words,
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 devices engage the child.
In addition
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, online
resources
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 are portable you could grab them everywhere
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however
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, however
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,it environmentally friendly.
For example
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, kids could read in the car or
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on
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in
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on
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 the train the child could
takes
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take
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 the advantage of
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their
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his
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their
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 time anywhere.
On the other hand
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,
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paper based
Add a hyphen
paper-based
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resources
Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
are
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more suitable for the vision as well it less distracting. plus it's tangible which
support
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supports
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 the five senses
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is the best way for the child to learn. I think
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paper based
Add a hyphen
paper-based
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it
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is
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 more suitable for
the
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apply
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very small kids they prefer
the
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apply
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touchable things
such
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 as
the
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apply
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phsycial
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physical
children
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children's
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 books. Another point to consider, is
paper
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resources
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 it more
save
Replace the word
safer
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 than electronic devices.
Moreover
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, it eco
friendly
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eco-friendly
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 than
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paper's
Change the noun form
papers
paper
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.In conclusion,despite people having different views, I believe that
,
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apply
show examples
 Online books improve digital literacy
also
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 versatile.
In
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On
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 the other
hand
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hand,
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i
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I
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 see that it
not
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is not
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 the best choice for
the
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apply
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kindergarten students because,
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this
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at this
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 age so sensitive
electronic's
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electronics
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 could be harmful
for
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to
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 them.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction is clear and grammatically correct. For example, it should read: 'While it is commonly held that e-books are more effective than paper-based reading, there is also an opposing argument.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the flow of your essay by using more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly, such as 'Moreover' or 'In addition'.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and details, particularly when explaining the advantages of paper-based resources. This will help support your main points more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to proofread for grammatical errors and typos, such as 'examin' which should be 'examine', and 'phsyical' which should be 'physical'. These small inaccuracies can affect the clarity of your writing.
Task Achievement
You have clearly presented both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of different viewpoints on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your opinion is stated clearly in the conclusion, which gives the essay a personal touch and adds to your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenient
  • accessible
  • interactive
  • engaging
  • multimedia
  • portable
  • suitable
  • physical
  • tangible
  • visual
  • distracted
  • limited
  • versatile
  • screen time
  • critical thinking
  • comprehension
  • retention
  • digital literacy
  • environmentally-friendly
What to do next:
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