IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Do children behave better when they are physically punished or rewarded?

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There is an ongoing discussion about whether children’s
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
 can change
as a result
Linking Words
 of physical punishment or monetarily
rewarded
Replace the word
reward
show examples
.I think that
awarded
Add a missing verb
being awarded
show examples
 with a gift influences school-aged individuals more rather than punishment. One key reason why
behaviour
Add an article
the behaviour
show examples
 of younger individuals can change when they are physically disciplined is that it leads to stress as it is generally seen that when a child is punished through physical means, he or she feels
insult
Change the verb form
insulted
show examples
 which tends to become
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aggressive. He or she shows anger.
In other words
Linking Words
, some children
take
Correct pronoun usage
who take
show examples
 physical punishment suffer from stress or depression.By taking an example of a study that was conducted by the University of Guelph, reports revealed that 70% of young people show antisocial behaviour when they
are received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
 physical correction.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, rewarding physically to children brings benefits for them. First and the foremost benefit is it motivates them to do hard work, as it is generally observed that receiving a physical prize pushes the students to put
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
for
Change preposition
into
show examples
getting
Verb problem
achieving
show examples
 success, whether it is
academic
Change preposition
in academic
show examples
 performance or other curriculum activities.Another merit of
monetarily
Change the adverb
monetary
show examples
 reward is it boosts confidence, which encourages juveniles to improve their
overall
Linking Words
 development. To illustrate, the Tribune newspaper published a study which shows that the majority of youngsters become more successful by obtaining
physically
Change the word
physical
show examples
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity and flow of your ideas by using more connecting words and phrases. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Provide a more developed conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your stance.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to provide a clearer context—explain how physical rewards lead to motivation and success in more detail.
language accuracy
Correct grammatical errors and awkward phrases such as 'monetarily rewarded' to improve readability.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which is essential for effective argumentation.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt directly, discussing both physical punishment and rewards, which shows a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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