IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a child's future. Discuss both sides and give your opinion .

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Undoubtedly education fosters an important part in the development of a child. It is believed that some
poeple
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people
 assume that
schools
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 only
teaches
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teach
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learner's
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learners
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imoportant
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important
skills
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,
while
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 some state a
range
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 of
subject
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subjects
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 would be more suitable for their future careers. I firmly agree that
schools
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 should
focus
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 only on
skills
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 that learners are capable
and
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of and
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 have the ability off. On the one side, some
student
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students
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 tend to
loose
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lose
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 interest in
school
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subjects
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 because of
the
Change the word
their
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 lack of ability to master them. A study from the University of Los
Angelas
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Angeles
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, suggests that 20% of all students drop out of
school
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 at 16
due to
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 a
lost
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loss
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 of passion for
school
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subjects
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, visible in the drop in marks.
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However
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However,
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 these students move to
collegas
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colleges
college
 where they
focus
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 only on
skills
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 they have the ability in. On the other side, after the age of 16 learners are more prone to decide on a career and
skills
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 they want to pursue.
Furthermore
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, the National Teacher Union stated that a
childs
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child's
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 brain develops fully at 16,
therefore
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 it is to the
upmost
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utmost
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importances
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importance
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 that a
range
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 of
subject
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subjects
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 should be presented to learners so that they can experience a
range
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 of
skills
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 that they can
develope
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develop
.
Unfortuanately
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Unfortunately
 these
subjects
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 are compulsory until they finish
school
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 resulting in a high
drop out
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dropout
show examples
 rate in the education system. In conclusion, some individuals believe that
schools
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 should
focus
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 on student
skills
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 and
other
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others
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 differ by saying that a
school
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 must present a
range
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 of
subjects
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.
Skilld
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Skilled
 development must be
they
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the
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 main
focus
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 in
schools
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,
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apply
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 but is recommended that a
range
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 of
subjects
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 must be presented to students until the age of 16.

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Language Accuracy
Make sure to pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors, as they can affect the clarity of your argument. For instance, 'poeple,' 'learner's' and 'importances' should be corrected.
Detail Development
Try to develop your points more thoroughly. Each argument should include clear examples or evidential support to strengthen your position.
Structure
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines both sides of the discussion before stating your opinion. This helps guide the reader through your essay.
Argument Clarity
You demonstrate a clear opinion in your introduction, which is essential for this type of essay.
Evidence Use
You include relevant references to studies and statistics, which add credibility to your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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