It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. Do you agree that this is the main cause of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to solve this issue?

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There has been a growing debate about the surging offence rate in teenage crime
due to
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violence glorified over social media platforms.
Although
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,
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apply
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some people argue that
this
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is the main reason, I believe
instead
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of inappropriate content on media, the main cause is family breakdown and poverty.
This
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essay will detail the reasons and provide possible solutions. There are several reasons behind
this
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issue.
Firstly
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, lack of parental guidance is likely to engage youngsters in criminal behaviour.
For instance
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, children growing
in
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up in
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violent households or without any supervision become desensitized and they usually
imitiate
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imitate
initiate
actions from films and video games without knowing about its consequences
thus
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they commit illegal
act
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acts
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before their adulthood.
Secondly
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, youngsters living in underprivileged areas often indulge in robbery,
pickingpockets
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picking pockets
pickpockets
and drug abuse
due to
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the lack of knowledge, education and financial resources.
However
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, there are effective steps that can be taken to combat
this
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issue. One viable solution is
parents
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for parents
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must monitor their children's social platform consumption and teach
them
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the
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difference
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the difference
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between entertainment and reality
also
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schools can conduct
couselling
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counselling
programs so that it can improve
students
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students'
student's
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awareness and mental health. Another possible approach is the government should provide free education and allocate funds to support those individuals who are not able to get enough education.
As a result
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, teenagers will gain knowledge and skills that can help them to secure job opportunities.
To conclude
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,
while
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voilent
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violent
media can contribute to juvenile crime, it is not the main cause. Consulting teenagers on
regular
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a regular
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basis by their parents and teachers.
Furthermore
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, higher authorities should support poor individuals to get educated and approach
to
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apply
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their
career
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careers
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is
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as
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the only viable way to reduce youth offence.

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Task Achievement
The introduction clearly states your stance, but it could be more engaging. Consider rephrasing to capture the reader's attention more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the flow between paragraphs by using clearer transitional phrases. It will help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support your claims. For instance, mentioning statistics on juvenile crime rates linked to family situations would strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
You have a clear stance on the issue which is essential for task achievement.
Task Achievement
Your essay includes potential solutions, showing critical thinking about the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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