IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view?

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In my opinion, both human and
Use synonyms
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
 needs are important. Nowadays, ecological diversity is facing different issues,
such
Linking Words
 as global warming and overfishing which may affect the living environment of
animals
Use synonyms
. These problems become more
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 with the advancement of human development. How to balance between human and
Use synonyms
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
 needs is a controversial topic. Some people think that it is essential to prioritize the value of environmental friendly in the
toppest
Correct your spelling
top
 place as
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
also
Linking Words
 be included in the ecology.
However
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, it
is really need
Change the verb form
really needs
show examples
 to pick a choice between
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 and
animals
Use synonyms
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
 If we can have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better
land
Use synonyms
 management
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
filfulling
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 the
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
 of both
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 and
animals
Use synonyms
, we can make a balance
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human development and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
therefore
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 do not agree that human needs for farmland, housing and industry are more significant than saving
land
Use synonyms
 for endangered
animals
Use synonyms
, both choices can co-exist. Based on the report of the World Organization, the
main
Correct your spelling
mainland
show examples
land
Use synonyms
poplution
Correct your spelling
pollution
population
 is
cotributed
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contributed
 by
energy
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 consumption which may lack some toxic chemical materials when burning
patroleum
Correct your spelling
petroleum
, reducing
land
Use synonyms
 resources.
Linking Words
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
 a result,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 need to occupy
animals
Use synonyms
' living
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
for developing
Change preposition
to develop
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 larger
accessable
Correct your spelling
accessible
land
Use synonyms
 in housing or farming.
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
as
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the advancement of
technology
Use synonyms
, we can investigate other methods to replace non-environmental friendly fuel for producing
electriciy
Correct your spelling
electricity
.
For example
Linking Words
, we can
use
Use synonyms
 solar or wind
energy
Use synonyms
 to replace burning fuel in producing electricity. In China, there are many electrical cars that rely on solar
energy
Use synonyms
 for
energy
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supporting
Replace the word
support
show examples
 in order to align with the government
polices
Correct your spelling
policies
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. And nowadays the ratio of using solar
energy
Use synonyms
 is rising to almost 10%, almost double that of before a decade.
Therefore
Linking Words
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 rely on
technology
Use synonyms
 to reduce
land
Use synonyms
poplution
Correct your spelling
pollution
population
, improving the effectiveness of
Use synonyms
land's
Change noun form
land
show examples
 usage. some people may
agure
Correct your spelling
argue
agree
 that solar
energy
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 occupy
land
Use synonyms
 resources as we need to place solar
plane
Fix the agreement mistake
planes
show examples
 to collect sunlight. It is a
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
notable
 point, as the effect of saving more
land
Use synonyms
is depend
Wrong verb form
depends
show examples
 on how people
use
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 have been to Beijing and I found that there
gonvernment
Correct your spelling
government
 encourages their residents
facilitate
Add the particle
to facilitate
show examples
 solar
plane
Fix the agreement mistake
planes
show examples
 on their platform
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the top floor.
Linking Words
this
Capitalize word
This
show examples
 method can improve the the effectiveness of space usage, reducing the
use
Use synonyms
 of other
accessable
Correct your spelling
accessible
land
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is
a important evidence
Remove the article
important evidence
a piece of important evidence
a shred of important evidence
show examples
 which
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 that human can improve their
land
Use synonyms
 management and
use
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 to save more
land
Use synonyms
 for wild
animals
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it is possible to maintain a balance between human and
Use synonyms
animals'benefits
Correct your spelling
animal benefits
. We can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the requirement of human development and
animals
Use synonyms
' right at the same time.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 that we sometimes
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
need to have a view of
wider
Correct article usage
a wider
show examples
 range
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that we can prevent the backdraws of our decision.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents a clear opinion, but ensure that your thesis statement sums up your position more definitively. It's good to use linking phrases to connect your ideas better throughout the essay.
task achievement
While your points are relevant, some arguments could be elaborated for clarity. For example, explaining how technology specifically aids in balancing human and animal needs can enhance your points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. Some sentences are quite long and may confuse the reader. Break them into shorter, clearer sentences where possible.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically flows into the next. Adding transitional phrases can help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view on the topic, acknowledging the needs of both humans and animals, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the rise of solar energy and electric cars in China, strengthens your argument and shows research effort.
coherence and cohesion
The essay contains a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding your perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • food security
  • malnutrition
  • urban development
  • quality of life
  • social stability
  • economic development
  • infrastructure
  • living standards
  • moral responsibility
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem balance
  • environmental degradation
  • climate regulation
  • ecological balance
  • sustainable development
  • compromise
  • natural habitats
  • endangered species
  • medical discoveries
What to do next:
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