IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Technological development leads to lots of environmental issues. Some people think a simple life style can preserve environment while others argue that technology itself can solve it. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge of experience

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Nowadays, the development of
technology
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 brings lots of issues related
environment
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. Many
people
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 think that
simplicity
Replace the word
a simple
show examples
 lifestyle preserves
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environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
, whilst other
people
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stated
Wrong verb form
state
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 that
technology
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 can handle it.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate that
simplicity
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simple
show examples
 life surely
preserve
Change the verb form
preserves
show examples
 the
environment
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 through using eco-friendly
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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, but
technology
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 can help
people
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 to preserve the
environment
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 as well,
for
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instance
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instance,
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 electric watering for the plants in the garden, farm and
forest
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. Based on research that I read, human has a big role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 changes. To illustrate, the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
fast-fashion cycle that happened in the past years. Many brands
for instance
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 Zara, made many products and did some promotions. It
lead
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leads
show examples
people
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 to consume clothes and
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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 from
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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 stores.
People
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 didn't choose a simple
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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, they chose to be consumptive.
This
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 circumstance
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to fashion
trash
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 that happened in some countries.
This
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 made the
environment
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 worse than ever because the clothes were really hard to recycle. The clothes
trash
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gave
Verb problem
had
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impact
Correct article usage
an impact
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to
Change preposition
on
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 the sea and
creatures
Correct article usage
the creatures
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 inside
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 since the
trash
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 was pulled
in
Change preposition
into
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 the ocean.
Moreover
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,
people
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 who choose the
simplicity
Replace the word
simple
show examples
 lifestyle are mostly
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eco-friendly product,
for
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instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
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 fabric
bag
Fix the agreement mistake
bags
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 that can
be reuse
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be reused
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 and
recycle
Wrong verb form
recycled
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, or
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 that durable and
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
.
This
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 will reduce the fashion
trash
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 that
impacted
Wrong verb form
impacts
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 the world.
Technology
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is not always
Change the verb form
does not always give
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give
Verb problem
have
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bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 impact
to
Change preposition
on
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 the earth. If we can invent
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 wisely, it will
give
Verb problem
have
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good
Correct article usage
a good
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 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the world. As an example, electric watering
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
people
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watering
Wrong verb form
water
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 their flowers, plants, vegetables, etc in their places. The enormous function of
this
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 machine is watering the fire in the
forest
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. From the studies
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 read,
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forest
Add an article
the forest
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gives
Verb problem
plays
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big
Add an article
a big
the big
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 role
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
environment
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. If something
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
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 with the
forest
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,
such
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 as fire, it will give disadvantages to animals inside the
forest
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 and
also
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 humans. Electric watering is one of the
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technology
Change to a plural noun
technologies
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 that help environmental preservation.
To sum up
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, a simple
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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 absolutely can preserve the
environment
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. Meanwhile,
technology
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 can help to preserve the
environment
Use synonyms
 as well, if we can invent some devices that truly don't destroy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mother earth.

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Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion to meet the requirements of the task. A more explicit thesis statement will guide the reader better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a consistent format for discussing both viewpoints. You could introduce each viewpoint equally to enhance balance in your argument.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your points are supported by specific examples and clear explanations. Some points could be elaborated further for clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure through the use of paragraphs to separate different ideas, which makes it easier for the reader to follow.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant real-world examples that connect well to your arguments, particularly regarding fast fashion and electric watering technology.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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