Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying are alternative medicines anf treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In
this
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current era, many
people
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choose
alternative
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medicines and
treatments
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to cure their
illness
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illnesses
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instead
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of going to the doctor or hospital. The writer thinks it is a positive development for the patients since they will have many choices to heal their
sickness
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. The essay will elaborate
the
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on the
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alternative
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treatments
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that
people
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choose
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have chosen
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recently and how the combination of
treatments
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will help
people
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. Nowadays, human has many choices for health
treatments
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,
such
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as acupuncture, herbal
drink
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drinks
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, etc. Many studies from the past showed that these
treatments
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have
positive
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a positive
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correlation with
the
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apply
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human health. From my experience, I found that acupuncture helped me to cure my
tumor
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tumour
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disease. When the doctor examined me after I did the acupuncture, my immune
ssytem
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system
was better than before.
Furthermore
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, one of my friends who had
sickness
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and took
herbal
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an herbal
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drink as her complementary medicine, had
faster
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a faster
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recovery
compare
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compared
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to my other friends who didn't take
herbal
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a herbal
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drink
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drinks
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. These are my examples
how
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of how
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these
alternative
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ways to heal illness
brought
Verb problem
had
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positive
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a positive
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impact
to
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on
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people
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.
On the other hand
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, we have to
also
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consider doctor
treatments
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to check the
sickness
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, since they learnt about medical things for a long time.
Moreover
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, they will based on journals,
researches
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research
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, and science and
using
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use
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the highest technology to scan the body,
for instance
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MRI machine. The
sickness
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will be found faster with
an enhanced machines
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an enhanced machine
enhanced machines
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in the hospital.
To sum up
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, the writer believes that coordination between
alternative
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treatment and hospital treatment will give the best benefits for the patients.
For instance
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, the healing period will be faster than only one treatment.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly presents your opinion, but you could enhance it by briefly outlining the reasons behind your view. For example, mention the potential benefits of alternative treatments explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to use proper transitions between your points to enhance the flow of your essay. For instance, use phrases like 'In addition' or 'Conversely' to clearly indicate shifts in your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and typos, such as 'ssytem' instead of 'system' and 'compare' should be 'compared'. Carefully proofread your essay to avoid these minor mistakes, which can distract from your ideas.
Task Achievement
You provided personal experiences and examples, which adds credibility to your argument about the efficacy of alternative treatments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and reiterates the main point of integrating both treatment methods, which shows understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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