IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology. How do you think it will change in the future? Is it good for us to rely on computers so much?

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In today's world, computer-based
technology
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 is playing a
significant
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more significant
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 role in our daily lives than ever before.
Although
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 it brings many disadvantages to
people
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's
skills
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,
but
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apply
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it is the best way to increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social development. One advantage of computer-based
technology
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 is increased efficiency. To explain,
computers
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 can complete tasks faster and more accurately than
human
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humans
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, saving time and money
in
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on
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 many sides.
For example
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, in other countries,
computers
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 are used in medical diagnostics and even robot surgeries.
Therefore
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,
the
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apply
show examples
computer
technology
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 is more
benefical
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beneficial
 for human's healthy life.
Secongly
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Secondly
,
technology
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 improves access to information and education, The internet allows
people
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 from even remote areas to learn new
skills
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 and gain knowledge without needing classrooms.
Website
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Websites
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 like
coursera
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Coursera
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offer
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offers
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 free courses that reach millions of students globally.
Thus
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,
computers
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 help
also
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 in education and knowledge side.
Technology
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 dependency
also
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 raises security and privacy issues. When
people
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 rely too much on digital platforms, they become easy targets for criminals. Hackers can access personal emails, bank accounts, or even government systems if proper security is not maintained.
This
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over reliance
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over-reliance
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 on computer systems without strong cybersecurity can
helps
Verb problem
lead
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 to dangerous consequences for both individuals and society. On the downside, too much
using
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use
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on
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of
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technology
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 can reduce human thinking and problem-solving
skills
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. When
people
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 constantly use
computers
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 for basic needs, they may lose the ability to think critically or solve problems personally.
For instance
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, some students using calculators for simple math can struggle to do calculations mentally.
This
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 excessive
needs
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need
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 could weaken cognitive
skills
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 over time. In conclusion,
while
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 computer-based
technology
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 brings convenience, access to education and increased efficiency, it
also
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 causes
over reliance
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overreliance
show examples
 and mental laziness but we must balance it for developing our personal
skills
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well, but it would benefit from clearer thesis statement outlining the main points you will discuss. Try to be more specific about the pros and cons you intend to explore.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments logically flow from one to the next to enhance the overall clarity of your essay. For example, transitions between ideas could be smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences contain minor grammatical errors or awkward phrasing, such as 'best way to increase the social development' and 'can helps to dangerous consequences'. Proofreading for grammar and sentence structure can improve clarity.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, such as the use of computers in medical diagnostics and online courses, which adds depth to your arguments.
task achievement
You addressed both the positive and negative aspects of technology dependence, showing a balanced perspective, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Artificial Intelligence (AI)
  • Machine Learning
  • Automated
  • Internet of Things (IoT)
  • Telecommuting
  • Digital Technology
  • Virtual Workplaces
  • Computer-assisted
  • Healthcare Industry
  • Reliance
  • Privacy
  • Human Interaction
  • Job Displacement
  • Automation
  • Digital Divide
  • Cybersecurity
  • Internet Safety
  • Digital Crime
  • Ethical Considerations
  • Environmental Impacts
  • E-waste
  • Carbon Footprint
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