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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, more and more adults are living with their parnets after graduating from college or even after finding a job. Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

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In many countries, more grown people are still living with their
parents
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 after
graduated
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graduating
show examples
 from university or already working. The writer believes there are many benefits
outweight
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outweigh
 the drawbacks.
This
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 essay will elaborate
the
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on the
show examples
 benefits and
the
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apply
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drawback
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drawbacks
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 of
this
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 proposal.
This
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 essay will reveal that living with
parents
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 will make the
kids
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having
Verb problem
spend
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 long
period
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periods
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to have
Verb problem
of
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 quality time with family and the
kids
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 can save their
money
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future living.
On the other hand
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, there is a drawback of
this
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 situation, which is
kids
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 will
dependent
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be dependent
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to
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on
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 their
parents
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. First and foremost, mature people choose to live with their
families
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 because of
their
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the
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 common cultures in their areas.
For instance
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, in Indonesia, the family bonding is really high. Indonesians put family first in everything. To illustrate, in
holiday
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the holiday
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 season,
instead
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 of having
holiday
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a holiday
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in
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apply
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overseas,
Indonesia
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Indonesian
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 citizens who live in the city will choose to come back to their villages to visit their
parents
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 and big
families
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.
Therefore
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, if there is a chance to live longer with their family, they will choose it since they
do
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apply
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really value their
families
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.
Furthermore
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, many
parents
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 believe that if the
kids
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 are living
together with
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 them, they can save their
money
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to
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for
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 their future family.
Instead
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 of
spend
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spending
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 the
money
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 to pay the rent house or
apartments
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apartment
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, it is better to save the
money
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for
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to
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 buy
new
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a new
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 house. Since the inflation rate in the world and the living
cost
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costs
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 are getting higher, people will do really consider
to spend
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spending
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 their
money
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.
That is
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 why if there is a way to reduce the expenses, they will choose it
includes
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including
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 living with
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parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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.
However
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, there is a disadvantage of
this
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choce
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choice
, which is
kid
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kids
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 will not be independent
human
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humans
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. They will rely on their
families
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 for certain areas,
such
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 as living
cost
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costs
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. They will not know how to pay the electricity bill,
groceries
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grocery
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 expenses , etc if they are still living with their
families
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. But they can overcome
this
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 situation if the
parents
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 can share the responsibilities with their
kids
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, so they can learn.
To sum up
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, the advantages still
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the disadvantages. Living with
parents
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 still
give
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gives
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 many advantages,
such
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 as having more quality time and saving
the
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apply
show examples
money
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. The disadvantage can be reduced
with
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by
show examples
 sharing responsibilities with
kids
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.

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Task Achievement
Clarify your thesis statement to more explicitly outline the main points you will discuss in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to separate your arguments more clearly and use clear linking words to improve flow.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your points, particularly the drawbacks.
Content
Your essay presents a clear argument for the advantages of living with parents, which is concise and relevant to the topic.
Content
You’ve correctly identified a cultural factor affecting the decision to live with parents, showing a good understanding of international perspectives.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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