IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe (that) it is the good teamwork that makes companies successful. Others say that it is more important for companies to have good leaders. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people argue that successful
companies
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 rely on strong
teamwork
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,
while
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 others claim that good
leadership
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 is the key to success. In my opinion,
although
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 both are essential, good
leadership
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 is slightly more important because it provides
vision
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 and guidance for the entire business.
Teamwork
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 increases productivity and innovation. When people work together, they can share different ideas and skills, which leads to better problem-solving and faster completion of tasks.
For instance
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, in many tech
companies
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,
teams
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 of developers collaborate to build software, combining different strengths and experiences.
This
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 shows that
teamwork
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 can be a powerful thing for a
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company
Change noun form
company's
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 growth and evolution.
In addition
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,
teamwork
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 builds a positive work environment. Employees feel more valued and connected when they are part of a team, which leads to higher job satisfaction and lower staff leaving.
A statistics
Correct article usage
Statistics
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 by Murad
buildings
Capitalize word
Buildings
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 found that
companies
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 with strong team
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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 had 30% lower turnover rates than those without. Clearly,
teamwork
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 contributes to a stable and motivated workforce.
On the other hand
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,
leadership
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 provides direction and strategic
vision
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. A good leader ensures that all
teams
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 are working towards the same goal, making decisions that line up with the
company
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’s mission. Jakhongir Artikkhodjayev at Akfa is a great example; his
vision
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 transformed the
company
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 into a global brand through strong
leadership
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.
Therefore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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leadership
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 is essential in
reign
Wrong verb form
reigning
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 a
company
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 toward long-term success.
Furthermore
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, leaders motivate and guide their
teams
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 permanently. A capable leader can resolve conflicts, inspire employees, and help them overcome challenges, which is especially important during difficulty. During
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
COVID 19
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COVID-19
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, many
companies
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 relied on strong leaders to quickly adapt to remote work and changing markets.
This
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 proves that
leadership
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 is not only about
vision
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 but
also
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 about
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
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 plan and support. In conclusion, both
teamwork
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 and
leadership
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 play a
vitall
Correct your spelling
vital
 role in a
company
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’s success.
While
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teamwork
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 improves innovation and employee satisfaction, effective
leadership
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 provides the structure,
vision
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, and motivation needed to achieve
company
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 goals.
Therefore
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, I believe good
leadership
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 is more important because it brings the best in
teams
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 and
keeping
Wrong verb form
keeps
show examples
 the business
company
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 moving in the right direction.

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Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the themes that will be discussed, and make sure to summarize those points more effectively in your conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the clarity of some sentences, like "the leadership is essential in reign a company toward long-term success." This can be rephrased to enhance understanding.
Task Achievement
You provided a balanced discussion of both perspectives, which is crucial for this type of essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the importance of teamwork and leadership in business success.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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