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Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graph helow gives information about the rates of unemployment between 1991 and 2005 in three different countrie

The line graph helow gives information about the rates of unemployment between 1991 and 2005 in three different countrie
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The given line graph illustrates the database of unemployment
rates
Use synonyms
 in
Spain
Use synonyms
, Germany and Italy from 1991 to 2005,
while
Linking Words
 the table provides information on the employment
rates
Use synonyms
 of women and men in Europe in 1991.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Spain
Use synonyms
 had the highest unemployment rate at the beginning of the period,
although
Linking Words
 it gradually decreased. Germany’s
rates
Use synonyms
 gradually increased;
however
Linking Words
, they gradually declined. Italy had the smallest percentages;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, its
rates
Use synonyms
 became leading. In the
table
Add a comma
table,
show examples
 the percentage of men is significantly higher than that of women.
To begin
Linking Words
 with
Spain
Use synonyms
, its proportion was 13% in the beginning,
then
Linking Words
 rapidly boosted to 18% in 1993 and remained at that figure from 1993 to 1995. From 1995 to 2005, its share rapidly decreased. Next is Germany, its data show that in 1991, the percentage was 8% and it gradually increased by 1999,
then
Linking Words
 it decreased. Italy had a 4% in 1991;
therefore
Linking Words
, in 1997 the proportion was 9%,
then
Linking Words
 it
was decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 by 2001, and again it quickly rose to 11% and it became a leader. In 1991, the share of men in Germany,
Spain
Use synonyms
 and Italy was between 66.2 and 77.1%,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of women was between 32.3 and 54.4% and
this
Linking Words
 was a serious comparison between them.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rates, spain with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 4 times.
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