IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Literacy in
finance
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 should be part of the main subjects in schools to prepare the students for managing their
money
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 in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 more effective way. The writer agrees with
this
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 statement since
money
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 management is one of the important skills in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adult life.
This
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 essay will elaborate
the
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on the
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disadvantage
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disadvantages
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 of not knowing about
money
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 management,
for
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instance
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instance,
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 they will waste their
money
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.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 essay will reveal the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
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 of
this
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 skill as well,
for
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example
Add the comma(s)
example,
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 they make their
money
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Use synonyms
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
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 for them. First and foremost, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people don'
t
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 know about
finance
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 education, they will take the
money
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 for granted. They might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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only know how to make more income through working and selling products or services, but they don'
t
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 know how to maintain their
assets
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. They will waste their
money
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with
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apply
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buying
stuffs
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stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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 that they don'
t
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needed
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need
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.
For instance
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, I saw many kids from rich
family
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families
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 who can'
t
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 sustain their
assets
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' family since they don'
t
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 know how to use their
money
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 wisely.
Therefore
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,
finance
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 education is really needed in the school to make students aware
about
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of
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 how to manage their wealth wisely.
However
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,
finance
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 literacy has
advantage
Add an article
an advantage
the advantage
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 as well when the students grow older. They will learn how to make their
money
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works
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work
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 for them through investing. Investing can be anything, through bonds, stocks, properties, forex, etc.
Moreover
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, they will know about
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assets
Change the noun form
asset
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 diversification
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will
really
Add a missing verb
be really
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 beneficial for them. They
also
Linking Words
 know how to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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manage their
assets
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 through compounding interest. To illustrate, if someone gets
salary
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a salary
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, they will budget their income for investing. The result of investing can be
dividend
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dividends
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 from stocks.
Then
Linking Words
, they will put again the dividend
to
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into
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 stocks, people called it as compounding interest.
This
Linking Words
 activity makes the
money
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Use synonyms
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 for you.
To sum up
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, I think
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 kids aware
with
Change preposition
of
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money
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 management at an early
ages
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age
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 will give benefit. They will know how valuable
the
Correct article usage
apply
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money
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 is and they will learn how to make
money
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Use synonyms
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 for them.

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task achievement
The introduction should clearly outline the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Consider stating both sides of the argument and then clearly mention your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it fully. Transition words could help guide the reader through your points more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with word choices and grammatical structures. Proofreading for small grammatical issues can improve clarity. For instance, 'stuffs' should be replaced with 'things' or 'items'.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the importance of financial education, and you provide relevant points in support of your statement.
task achievement
You have made good attempts at examples to illustrate your points, like mentioning kids from rich families and compounding interest.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial literacy
  • Mandatory
  • Budgeting
  • Economic stability
  • Fiscal health
  • Credit
  • Interest rates
  • Investments
  • Curriculum
  • Informed decisions
  • Personal debt
  • Savings
  • Taxes
  • Expenditures
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Money management
  • Financial planning
  • Economic education
  • Financial competence
What to do next:
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