IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe it is beneficial for children to attend graduate school , while others argue that children should be given freedom too choose their own? share your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many nations believe that it is important for
children
Use synonyms
 to attend
graduate
Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 some
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 give their
children
Use synonyms
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
freedom
Use synonyms
 not to attend
graduate
Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
. In my
opion
Correct your spelling
opinion
 l think it is
impontant
Correct your spelling
important
 to attend
gradute
Correct your spelling
graduate
school
Use synonyms
 because it
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 them a high
oppotunite
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to find better jobs than those who did not attend
graduate
Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
. To a greater
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
,
children
Use synonyms
 who attended
graduate
Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
 have a better
knowlegde
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 than those who did not
attent gradute
Correct your spelling
attend graduate
school
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
 who attend
gradute
Correct your spelling
graduate
school
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
apply
Add the preposition
apply for
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 with a
strong
Fix the agreement mistake
stronger
show examples
 CV than those without .
Children
Use synonyms
 who went to
graduation
Replace the word
graduate
show examples
school
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have a large
oppotunite
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to choose the type of jobs they want because they have
certificate
Add an article
a certificate
show examples
 to prove that they can do a
certian
Correct your spelling
certain
 job.
Children
Use synonyms
 who attend
graduate
Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have a better reasoning capacity.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 have the
rigth
Correct your spelling
right
 to have
Use synonyms
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to choose their
owe
Correct your spelling
own
show examples
parth
Correct your spelling
path
 whether they want to go to
graduate
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 or not.
Children
Use synonyms
 who are given the
freedom
Use synonyms
 to do what they want have the
oppotunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to venture
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their own
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 rather than forcing them to do what they do not like. If a child is given
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
freedom
Use synonyms
 to choose what they want, they can focus on their talent rather than wasting time in
school
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
 can be given some
freedom
Use synonyms
 so that they can manage their own time by starting
some
Change the word
their
show examples
 own jobs.
However
Linking Words
, to a greater
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
 it is very
essetial
Correct your spelling
essential
 for
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to go
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
graduate
Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
 because it will improve
the
Change the word
their
show examples
knowlegde
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 of the student. To a lesser
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
 it is
also
Linking Words
 important to give
children
Use synonyms
freedom
Use synonyms
 to choose what they what because it
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 the
children
Use synonyms
 the
oppotunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to express their own
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 and able to use their time.
Moreso
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
,
children
Use synonyms
 who went to
graduate
Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
 have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 upper hand as compared to those who are given
Use synonyms
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to do what they want.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling and grammatical errors to improve clarity. For example, 'impontant' should be 'important' and 'oppotunite' should be 'opportunity'.
task achievement
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph relate back to that topic. This will help create a more logical flow in your writing.
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion and attempted to cover both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is divided into paragraphs, which makes it easier to read and follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: