IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

competition and cooperation are essentail to good work

People face different kinds of obstacles that can be seen as
competition
Use synonyms
 they have to face
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and jump on these obstacles. Competiton is seen as good in many aspects of
life
Use synonyms
for example
Linking Words
 in work,
school
Use synonyms
 and in daily
life
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. People argue that
competition
Use synonyms
 is good in all aspects of
life
Use synonyms
, others say that
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is better,
this
Linking Words
 essay discusses both views.
Competition
Use synonyms
 on
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, some believe that
competition
Use synonyms
 is the best way to have the best achievement in work
for example
Linking Words
 same project with two teams.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in
school
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 ,the
competition
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 between students is good to see them compete and get the best of them.
Also
Linking Words
, in daily
life
Use synonyms
 as parenting, parents can use
this
Linking Words
 technique to get the mission done. From my own perspective view I noticed that
competition
Use synonyms
 is better sometimes to
practice it
Wrong verb form
practising
show examples
 in some challenges.
Cooperation
Use synonyms
Linking Words
on
Add the comma(s)
, on
show examples
 the other hand, some people believe that it is better than
competition
Use synonyms
 helps
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans to have
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 sense and care about other feelings. Many projects consist of phases it is dependent on
cooperation
Use synonyms
 rather than
competition
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 to finalize it well.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
cooperation
Use synonyms
 in
school
Use synonyms
for example
Linking Words
 sometimes the
school
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 sends
talent
Replace the word
talented
show examples
 students to present themselves in a good way. In conclusion, both
competition
Use synonyms
 and
cooperation
Use synonyms
 are essential to deal with problems in
life
Use synonyms
.
Competition
Use synonyms
 explores the person
while
Linking Words
cooperation
Use synonyms
let
Wrong verb form
lets
show examples
 the individual deal with others to finish some tasks. My personal view is that
competition
Use synonyms
 and
cooperation
Use synonyms
 are needed by a person to maintain their
life
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Clarify the main idea in the introduction and provide a stronger thesis statement that outlines your views clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to indicate what the paragraph will discuss.
Task Achievement
Expand on your points with more examples or explanations to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure all ideas are properly linked for better flow; consider using more cohesive devices.
Task Achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which is a good approach to discussing the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, providing closure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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