Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
scoring well in exams and
acedemic
Correct your spelling
academic
achievements should be the only aim of the schools and extra
skills
Use synonyms
should be taught by parents and friends. I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
notion
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
some
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
and believe
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
are more. To commence with, in
this
Linking Words
era where the cost
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
all the goods
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
getting exceptionally higher day by day, making it difficult for the parents to spend quality time with their
children
Use synonyms
. Here, schools play an important role in shaping youngster's personality and
skills
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, these
fims
Correct your spelling
firms
films
should not only focus on
acedimic
Correct your spelling
academic
development but
also
Linking Words
give them
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
to achieve some great
skills
Use synonyms
that can help in their upcoming life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, learning some
skills
Use synonyms
like
culinery
Correct your spelling
culinary
, dressmaking and woodwork will open more paths towards building their
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
. To give an example,
recent
Add an article
a recent
show examples
study in
canada
Change the capitalization
Canada
show examples
gives a big statement that 70%
chef
Change preposition
of chef
show examples
makes higher
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
than many IT developers.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these extra
skills
Use synonyms
shoukd
Correct your spelling
should
be given as
importance
Correct quantifier usage
much importance
show examples
as study.
However
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
's guardians are
also
Linking Words
responsible for the development of these
skills
Use synonyms
in their
children
Use synonyms
. They should spend quality time even
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
once
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a week, shaping and sharpening these
skills
Use synonyms
as
this
Linking Words
will
also
Linking Words
give them
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
understanding of their
children
Use synonyms
's
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
,
thus
Linking Words
providing better guidance.
For instance
Linking Words
, a report was submitted by
AAP
Correct article usage
an AAP
show examples
reporter from India, stating that 80% of
children
Use synonyms
achieves
Change the verb form
achieve
show examples
more success with the guidance of their parents.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
spend more time at school than with their guardians, so these activities should be
compulsary
Correct your spelling
compulsory
and given as much importance as
acedemic
Correct your spelling
academic
education.
Thus
Linking Words
, making the
children
Use synonyms
broad open for the future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Work on creating a clearer argument structure in your introduction and body paragraphs, making sure each paragraph has a distinct point that directly supports your overall argument.
task achievement
You've provided some relevant examples to support your points, which is a positive aspect of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic success
  • passing examinations
  • cookery
  • dressmaking
  • woodwork
  • learn from family and friends
  • personalized learning environment
  • supportive learning environment
  • well-rounded education
  • school curriculum
  • resources
  • expert guidance
  • enhance creativity
  • problem-solving
  • teamwork
What to do next:
Look at other essays: