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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the salt intake of men and women in different age groups in a country in Europe in 2019.

The bar chart below shows the salt intake of men and women in different age groups in a country in Europe in 2019.
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The bar chart represents the number of salt consumption categorized by age and gender in Europe in 2019. In the big picture, it is conspicuous that, in both sexes, the highest number of salt intake was at 30-39 years old,
however
Linking Words
, the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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 statistics was under 6. Focusing on the category under 39 years old, women and men had an upward tendency, starting from around 1500 milligrams per day.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the report of
6
Correct article usage
the 6
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-11 group exceeded the recommended daily intake at just above 2300 with
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 higher.
Then
Linking Words
, the consumption still increased and reached a peak at 30-30
although
Linking Words
 there was a high contrast report between
two
Correct article usage
the two
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 genders by around 1000. Turning to the rest of
categories
Correct article usage
the categories
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, it can be seen that the
more
Correct word choice
older
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 age
of
Change preposition
apply
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individuals, the lower
salt
Correct article usage
the salt
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 consumed. Even though
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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 and
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 had the same tendencies as a downward trend,
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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 had
the
Correct article usage
a
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 lower decrease from 5000 to 4800 in 2019,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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 with a dramatic decline
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 1000.

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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • salt intake
  • age groups
  • men
  • women
  • bar chart
  • trend
  • significant differences
  • consume
  • notable
  • variations
  • highest
  • lowest
  • implications
  • health
  • long-term effects
  • recommendations
  • demographics
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