IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Children are facing more pressure nowadys from academic, social and commrcial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

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Nowadays, youngsters are enduring immense pressure in
Add an article
the field
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field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
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 of
acedemic
Correct your spelling
academic
, social and commercial. I will mark some of the main
root
Change to a plural noun
roots
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 of
this
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 cause and will suggest some measures to cope with the situation.
First
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The first
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 and foremost reason is the rising competition among the students which has made their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 more pressurized. The hunger to do best in any field has
consequently
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 increased mental stress.
Moreover
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, the upcoming generation
are
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is
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 being convinced to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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multitask and achieve new skills. I believe
,
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apply
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parents
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 and educational systems are equally responsible for
this
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 happening.
For instance
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,
parents
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 want to see their
children
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 at the level best and to achieve their interest, the demands and expectations are higher,
thus
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, making
children
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 feel
pressurized
Correct your spelling
pressured
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. I believe all students
does
Change the verb form
do
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 not have the same level of interest and mindset, so,
parents
Use synonyms
 should be more responsible and try to understand their
children
Use synonyms
's pros and cons.
This
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 will give the youngsters
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 understanding of themselves.
Moreover
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, educational institutions should divide the syllabus in an organised way, making
easier
Correct pronoun usage
it easier
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 for
children
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 to focus
in
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on
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 other skills.
To conclude
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, there are many factors that
causes
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cause
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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stress on
the
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apply
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children
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,
however
Linking Words
, I believe that the competition factor should be reduced as every child is unique in his own way and
parents
Use synonyms
 and educational systems should take equal responsibility to show students
a
Correct article usage
the
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 correct path.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure consistency in the use of terms (e.g., 'academic' instead of 'acedemic'). Consider refining sentence structures to reduce awkward phrasing, for example: 'the upcoming generation are being convinced to do multitask' could be simplified to 'the upcoming generation is pressured to multitask'.
task achievement
Expand on the suggestions provided. For instance, you could detail what measures parents and educational institutions can implement to help students manage their pressures more effectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For example, when discussing parental pressure, mention specific types of support parents could offer, such as encouraging hobbies or providing emotional support.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic by discussing both the causes of pressure and the measures that can be taken to alleviate it, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents a structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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