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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

We are now living in a "throwaway" culture, using things for a short time and then throwing them away instead of fixing them. What are the causes of this? What problems does it lead to?

In today's modern era, most
people
Use synonyms
are preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 to throw away their
things
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of fixing them. Poor quality manufacturing is the main cause of
this
Linking Words
 issue and it promotes some negative impacts on nature's health even
people
Use synonyms
. Admittedly, some companies manufacture poor quality goods, and it leads to
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 using
people
Use synonyms
 because they watch advertisements about
this
Linking Words
 product and
also
Linking Words
 new fashions, which can lead to
want
Change the verb form
wanting
show examples
 to buy them and
also
Linking Words
 cause excessive expenses.
For example
Linking Words
, some companies pay attention strikingly to pay for over-advertising their product
instead
Linking Words
 of manufacturing them with good quality.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 negative process comes from the inability to fix old
things
Use synonyms
 on
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 process may have some benefits for
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, throwing away old products may be a shortcut to spending less time and effort.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they pay attention to their vocational
things
Use synonyms
,
Additionally
Linking Words
, too much spending on novelty helps to modify the fast economic growth, but
people
Use synonyms
 must be responsible
to constrain
Change preposition
for constraining
show examples
 over-buying new
things
Use synonyms
 because it has many negative aspects for their health.   One of the most serious consequences of
this
Linking Words
 culture is environmental deterioration. Excessive waste leads to pollution
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and depletion of natural resources and it diminishes the oxygen of nature.
For example
Linking Words
, electronic waste contains toxic chemicals that harm ecosystems when discarded.
This
Linking Words
 damage is long-lasting and threatens the health of the planet.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 repair-related knowledge and local businesses. As fewer
people
Use synonyms
 repair goods, traditional skills like tailoring and shoe-making are disappearing.
For instance
Linking Words
, many developed countries import cheap products
instead
Linking Words
 of relying on skilled craftsmen.
This
Linking Words
 shift not only affects culture but
also
Linking Words
 reduces job opportunities. In conclusion, the throw-away culture is driven by cheap and tedious manufacturing. It results in environmental harm and the decline of useful skills. It may lead to irreversible damage to both society and the environment, so promoting sustainability and constraint is essential.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main points of discussion in your introduction. This will help guide the reader through your essay more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs begin with clear topic sentences that summarize the main idea of the paragraph. This will improve clarity and organization.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas with more relevant examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments and make your points more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence structures and grammar to avoid minor errors, and ensure they do not distract from the overall message of your essay.
task achievement
You have identified both causes and consequences of the throwaway culture, which is crucial for a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points, providing a clear wrap-up to the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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