IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that video games are advantageous, while others believe video games are harmful to the people who play them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is no doubt that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days people spend a lot of time playing video
games
Use synonyms
. The question is, it's disadvantageous for the people who play it or it could
benfeit
Correct your spelling
benefit
 them in the future
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss both views about video
games
Use synonyms
 and draw my opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, spending
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 3 hours playing
playstations
Change preposition
on playstations
show examples
 could be harmful to the
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
waste
Replace the word
wasting
show examples
 most of
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 will
affiect
Correct your spelling
affect
Use synonyms
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
 eyes badly, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children these days
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 a
calsses
Correct your spelling
classes
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
games
Use synonyms
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
affect
peopls
Correct your spelling
people
peoples
people's
 minds and decrease their foucing,
For example
Linking Words
, when
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
use to play
Verb problem
plays
show examples
 most of his day he will face problems in his studies because his mind
was consuming
Wrong verb form
is consumed
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
games
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
playstations
Correct your spelling
PlayStations
 could be
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 opportunity to be
pro
Add an article
a pro
show examples
 player and to
compet
Correct your spelling
compete
 in
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 cup for different
games
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, some people make
games
Use synonyms
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 jobs and get high income from
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 what is better than to work in
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 you love and
good
Add a missing verb
are good
show examples
 at
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Also
Linking Words
, it's great
rewords
Correct your spelling
rewards
show examples
 for your children when they do
will
Correct your spelling
well
show examples
 in school you can buy them a game.
For instance
Linking Words
, you can make it like an incentive to your
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 and link it to their
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 if they
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
they will play more or you will buy them
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 one. In conclusion, there is no easy answer to
this
Linking Words
 question. I believe that video
games
Use synonyms
 could be harmful if you use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in
poor
Change the article
a poor
show examples
 way, but it
also
Linking Words
 would be
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 advantage for
prople
Correct your spelling
people
how
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 look for incentives to their
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 or to have
lovely
Add an article
a lovely
show examples
 job in future.

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Task Achievement
Consider rephrasing the introduction for better clarity and to directly state your opinion. For example, 'There is an ongoing debate about whether video games have more benefits or drawbacks for players.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance your paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and related supporting details. Each idea could benefit from more development.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use varied vocabulary and ensure correct spelling to improve readability. For example, 'benefit' is spelled incorrectly as 'benfeit' and 'affect' as 'affiect.'
Task Achievement
You clearly present both views regarding video games, which shows an understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You make an effort to discuss examples, particularly in the advantages section, which helps support your argument.
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