IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that educational standards have declined in recent times, particularly in the areas of literacy and numeracy. Discuss the causes of this problem and offer some possible solutions to it.

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In recent years a huge number of people believe that educational standards have been reduced. Especially when it comes to literacy and mathematical skills. In
this
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 essay, I intend to discuss
this
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 problem
as well as
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 some probable solutions. Two main principal reasons for
this
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problems
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problem
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 are as follows. First of all, in earlier times there were a lot of tutors who punished students if they did not study or listen to them.
Moreover
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, teachers in
previous
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the previous
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 generation had discipline in their classes,
while
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, it is not
have been
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apply
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seen in these
days
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days'
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 classes. It is vital that they should have some powers to control their own classes.
In addition
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, there should be some punishment for lazy students for sure.
Further
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 and even more importantly, though, schools have provided with new and "soft"
topics
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 these days. The more students spend time on these
topics
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, the less time they
would
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will
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 have for special and essential
topics
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such
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 as mathematics and literacy.
Therefore
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, the government should put some effort
to ensure
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into ensuring
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 society that core subjects will be covered in schools.Plus, they are able to use modern technology to help them absorb young
people to
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people's
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 main subjects or even take advantage of artificial intelligence.
In addition
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, boys and girls should be obligated to spend enough time on main
topics
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 and pass their exams . By way
of
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in
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 conclusion, I once again reaffirm that the government should think about vital
topics
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 at schools and suggest some modern solutions for them. In the near future, I think it should be their main goal.

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introduction
The introduction presents the topic and your intention clearly, but it can be made more engaging by adding some background context about the decline in educational standards.
arguments
While you present two main reasons for the decline in educational standards, elaborating on these points with more specific examples or evidence could strengthen your argument.
coherence
The structure of your essay is clear, but the use of transition phrases could improve flow. For instance, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'Additionally' when introducing new points would guide the reader better.
conclusion
In the conclusion, you reiterate your main ideas effectively, but consider summarizing the solutions you proposed in a clearer way to reinforce them.
content
You have successfully identified two key causes of the decline in educational standards and suggested potential solutions, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
style
Your essay maintains a formal tone, which is appropriate for an academic discussion on education.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Numeracy
  • Literacy
  • Standardized testing
  • Economic disparities
  • Inequality
  • Underprivileged communities
  • Immediate gratification
  • Foundational subjects
  • Professional development
  • Holistic approach
  • Comprehensive reforms
  • Socio-economic background
  • Engaged
  • Traditional methods
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