IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

some people think that urban spaces should be used for parks rather than for housing. discuss both sides and give your opinion

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The allocation of urban spaces is a global issue, with some
argument
Replace the word
arguing
show examples
 for
parks
Use synonyms
 to enhance quality of life,
while
Linking Words
 others appreciate housing to address population growth.
Both
Use synonyms
 perspectives have valid arguments, and
this
Linking Words
 essay will explore them before presenting a balanced opinion. Proponents of
parks
Use synonyms
 argue that park spaces are essential for physical and mental well-being.
Parks
Use synonyms
 provide residents with areas for exercise,
relaxation
Correct word choice
and relaxation
show examples
, reducing stress and promoting healthier lifestyles.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
parks
Use synonyms
 improve air quality and biodiversity. Cities like Singapore exemplify the benefits of integrating nature into urban planning, creating a more clear environment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, housing is critical in urban areas, especially with rising populations and homelessness. Using land for housing can alleviate
Correct article usage
the affordobility
show examples
affordobility
Correct your spelling
affordability
 of
Add an article
the apartment
an apartment
show examples
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
show examples
 and reduce
overcrowing
Correct your spelling
overcrowding
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, cities like Tokyo have prioritized high-density housing to accommodate their population efficiently. In my view, a balanced approach is better. Urban planners should design land for
both
Use synonyms
parks
Use synonyms
 and housing, ensuring sustainability and stunning of life. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
parks
Use synonyms
 and housing serve vital purposes,
both
Use synonyms
 of them shouldn't be neglected. Strategic urban planning can regard
both
Use synonyms
, ensuring healthier, more beneficial cities for future generations

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction is clear, but it could be more engaging. Consider adding a hook or a statement of importance to capture the reader's attention from the outset.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to your thesis. This will improve the logical flow and structure of your essay.
task achievement
Try to expand on the examples provided in both sides of the discussion. Add specific details or data to make your arguments more compelling and comprehensive.
task achievement
Be careful with vocabulary and spelling, as some small inaccuracies can affect readability. For instance, 'affordobility' should be 'affordability' and 'overcrowing' should be 'overcrowding'.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear discussion of both perspectives, which is essential for this task. This balanced approach is well articulated and shows your understanding of the issue.
task achievement
The use of examples from cities like Singapore and Tokyo demonstrates an attempt to provide relevant context, which is a strength in your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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