IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life, is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion .

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There is no denying the fact that some
people
Use synonyms
 think that competition at work, at school and
daily
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in daily
show examples
life
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, is a good thing,
while
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 it is a commonly held belief that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.
To begin
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with
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with,
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people
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 who think
Use synonyms
life
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of life
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 as
competition
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a competition
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, from a psychoanalytic perspective, the feeling can be
tracked
Correct your spelling
traced
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 back to early childhood,
where
Correct word choice
when
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 the mother compares her child with his siblings. In
another words
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another word
other words
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,
this
Linking Words
behavior
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behaviour
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 is not merely a matter of choice. In my viewpoint, it leads to feelings of anxiety among
people
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.
For example
Linking Words
, when someone thinks about
life
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 that way, it may lead them to be less motivated to engage with others.
May be
Correct your spelling
Maybe
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 the competition with
people
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 that have self-aware,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will drive them to achieve personal growth. Another point considered, cooperation always tends to lead
people
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 to great comfort.
It
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It is
It was
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also
Linking Words
 possible to say that
life
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 is much easier than we think.
Moreover
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,
life
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worth
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is worth
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 living
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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with all love. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views. I believe that
cooperate
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cooperation
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 is way
more
Change the word
apply
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better, because it is
understandable
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an understandable
the understandable
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 approach to existence.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the clear structure of your arguments by using clearer topic sentences and transitions between ideas. This will help guide the reader through your points more effectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, especially in the discussion of competition and cooperation. This will help strengthen your arguments and provide clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Refine your language for clarity and accuracy. There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can cause confusion. Proofreading or using simpler constructions can enhance readability.
task achievement
You have effectively introduced the topic and presented both sides of the argument, which is an important aspect of the essay prompt.
task achievement
Your concluding statement conveys your personal opinion clearly, which is valuable when expressing your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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